Befriending People, not Friendship

I have a terrible realization these past days. There are times when people befriend friendship and not the persons. I mean, they make friends out of convenience, out of status, out of insecurities, but they really are not interested in the person. It is so easy to say that we are friends, but it is not that easy to prove it. Only time can tell.

I was sad because a friend recounted a story of how friendship that appeared to be real and deep is but a shallow relationship that verges on using people to get yourself on by. How does friendship really work? I don't have THE right answers, I can only offer my experience.

First, I believe friendship is all about PERSONAL ENCOUNTER. You meet the person and take him for who he is. You affirm the good and bear with the bad. And in this encounter, both persons grow and the relationship grows.

Second, friendship is very much like the banking business. You INVEST time, effort, energy, and gifts. It's not a matter of withdrawing the interest later, but more of investing in each other because there is much to be discovered and developed in one another.

Third, friendship is ART. You make one another beautiful so as to be the persons God want you to be. Holiness or sanctity or self-fulfillment could never be achieved alone. You have to work it out with others to discover the piece of God in you.

My prayer now is that should I have to undergo the relationship microscope, I be found worthy to be called a friend by people. It would be a sad case for me if I have become a parasite that has stuck to people to suck them of their goodness and goodwill. Yes, companionship and friendship is good, but we must remember it is all about dealing with people and persons.

I Live On A Ball

I am reading the third book of the Chronicles of Narnia, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", these days when my mind starts to boggle down reading Philosophy. There is this one curious episode in the story that really captured my attention. (By the way, the movie adaptation is coming soon.)

When the passengers of the Dawn Treader were nearing the edge of the world, they were asking what's at the rim. Would it be a chasm where their voyage would end plummeting down with the water? One of the Pevensie kids remarked that the world of Narnia would be different from our world. We live on a ball. At that statement, Caspian quipped wouldn't it be nice to live in a ball where people on the other side live upside down?

It's a funny episode but it's worth reflecting. If I live in the Philippines, certainly people living on the other side, say United States, would be living upside down! But the earth so, so big, it seems flat. We forget that it is round, and that the horizon is but a line that hides the other face of the earth.

Our way of thinking is all about perspective, and having a good one at that.

The Tree that Bore Much Fruit

Today is the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. We remember the tree that witnessed the Sacrifice of the Lamb. We remember the tree where Love himself was nailed. We remember the tree that turned the world upside down.

The cross is a symbol of torture and pain. It is a morbid symbol. People, no criminals, were hanged in it and capital punishment was delivered on the cross. Yet, we Christians venerate the cross because we believe that it is through the cross that God showed mankind his highest act of love: "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) It is no longer a symbol of pain. It has become a symbol of love.

It is unthinkable then for us who call ourselves Christians, to be ashamed of the cross. Are we not proud of the cross that won for us our victory, dignity, and salvation? Or are we too concerned with our Good Fridays that we forget the Easter Sunday that follows the cross?

The world will teach us to escape pain and suffering. Dash as you may, but running away is futile. Pain and suffering is inescapable. There will come a time when you have to face it. It is there as a passage of transcendence. It is in embracing our cross that we come to see the Truth and who we are in the light of the Truth.

In the cross, one may find abandonment, fear, rejection, and pain. But also through the cross one can witness the people who will stand by you until the end: the Father who is in Heaven, the parent(s) who will never abandon their child, and the friend who truly cares.