2010

The new year 2011 is a few hours away. The neighborhood is still silent, as if a platoon of soldiers in their trenches waiting for the signal of war. In a few hours time, festivity will blow and blast off the sky to welcome the new year. It's more than a count of years and of numbers. For me, this is a celebration of life and opportunity.

2010. Passed like a train in my face. Fast, memorable, and strong. It is a year of changes for me. BIG changes. Fast, because it was just a year ago when as novices we were standing in the Don Bosco Retreat House's roof deck, under the rain, waiting for the fireworks to begin (and to end). Memorable, because so many things have happened. Strong, because this year changed me a lot, more than what I expected.

This is a year of change. This year I became a Salesian of Don Bosco. I donned the clerical habit and professed the evangelical counsels. This year, my personality was stretched and tested. It was a time of passing through the deepest valley of my life, where the light is scarce as dim pin lights on a dark expanse.

This is a year of growth. The changes and challenges that came my way were points of growth for me. I was invited, at times I was forced, to take on paradigm shifts, new attitude, and fresh outlook to expand, modify, and improve upon what I was before. And so they say that we continue growing until we are buried six feet under the ground.

This is a year of grace. There hasn't been a year that showed me the grace of God pouring like torrent on an obscure and unknown young man like me than the year 2010. Beautiful changes in my life flows from the immensity of graces that I have received. Leaping growth springs forth from the gushing grace of grace from His bounty.

2010. I will remember 2010. It was a painful year. It was transitory year. A year that resembles the pains of childbirth seizing a mother as new life is introduced into the world. It was a joyful year. A year that resembles the joy of the child at the moment he discovers he is in the world and the joy of the family that welcomes.

Perhaps 2011 is a year of integration for me, a year of donning a more mature Keith, a Keith that has grown and aged over fruitful years and more so in 2010. And I am grateful.

If To Love You Is Not To Love You

If to love you is not to love you
Is the only way to love you
How my love would fade away
So far, far away

If to love you is not to love you
Is the same as to hold my breath
As well as life itself
And die in silence

If to love you is not to love you
Is to give my heart away
No beat to keep me on
And I stop still

If to love you is not to love you
Is the hardest contradiction
For a man to ever face
And I fail

Sunny Christmas

I don't know if its the climate or it's just by coincidence but it's been a very sunny Christmas this year. I am typing away at beach-side house here in Argao, Cebu, where, to my happy surprise, is connected to the internet. Fr. Denden has invited Salesians and aspirants alike to this overnight vacation in this southern Cebu town.

With me are Frs. Denden and Randy, and Bros. Louie and Francis. With us Salesians are aspirants Melo, Jade, God (yes, that's his name), Mark, Davon, and pre-novice James. The younger aspirants are now enjoying their dip in the pool while I hide in the shelter of the house, sitting in the balcony with a view of the sea, the beautiful landscape of Dalaguete, and of the pool. Beside me is Fr. Randy reading his Bo Sanchez book and preparing his homily for his next mass.

Christmas has been bright and sunny, inside and out. It doesn't feel like white but filled with light (and that's a rhyme!)

Cozy Shell

Some people might notice, but I'm shying away from the cyberworld these days. This post actually breaks that silence. I felt that I somehow needed to go back to my cozy shell, to my comfort zone, during this vacation. The effects have been wonderful. Silencing did bring me back to my senses. Think of entering safe mode in a Windows session.

The past months have been quite a ride for me. I wanted to integrate all my experiences, especially of becoming a Salesian. Seven months and counting, I'm still feeling my way through becoming a religious, a holy religious.

Driving with my great and loyal friend, Celso, through the streets of Pasil, I shared how I used to run and play in these streets just like the little boys who owns the street giving the drivers a hard time navigating the Pasil labyrinth. Not a long time ago, I was enjoying the same paradise with these kids, yet a turnabout slowly happened in my life without me noticing it, and I find myself among religious men sharing the spirit of Don Bosco.

From Pasil streets to the convent, I marvel at such grace by which God has picked me up from among the ordinary to become a sign of His love. From a family of three to the Salesian Family, and to the embrace of the many young people I have encountered, I have never felt so much love like this.

I needed to take it in and appreciate this road I am taking. I needed to reconcile the young boy from Pasil to the young man who took his religious vows seven months ago. I cannot help but be thankful.

At the Terminal

It has been days since my last blog. I'm actually sitting by the laptop area of the NAIA Domestic Terminal, making the most of my P200.00 terminal fee using the free public wifi. I have mixed feelings leaving Canlubang for Cebu for my Christmas Vacation.

Some of my confreres have been asking me if I am getting excited over my two week vacation. I have been for days thinking about vacation. The second I exited our classroom after handing over my Metaphysics prelim exam paper I entered vacation mode.

Yet sitting here in the terminal made me think again. There's a part of me that wants to stay too. Perhaps I have become attached to Canlubang too just like the rest of the Salesians before me who grew up there. But still I want to go home to Cebu because I am excited to sleep at home again.

The NAIA Domestic Terminal has its own carpet-covered prayer room. Interestingly, the room is plain empty. There are three signs on the wall. One of which is "Sleeping is not allowed in this room." We had to pray our lauds but we chose not to use the prayer room, first because there are no chairs to use, and secondly, it's for public viewing with clear glass panes for walls.

Travelers are starting to flock the hall as they sit among the lined blue and green metal chairs while waiting for their boarding signal. Some are sitting idly. I surmise they are doing their own meditation. Others are chatting away with the person next or on the phone. Some of them are watching the television which by the way is airing a Sunday mass. I was tempted to remind them that watching the TV is not enough to fulfill your Sunday obligation.

But now I have to go. Brothers JP and Vince are getting hungry. We left the post novitiate early taking only a hot cup of chocolate. My stomach's grumbling and the food display is quite inviting.

Wash Away

Many people know that I am Grobanian by my musical heart. It's not only the voice but also the type of music and lyrics that moves me. One of the songs I love best from Josh is the song "Remember When It Rained". The passionate lover in me just resonates with the message of the song.

Everyone knows how refreshing a shower is, especially when under the rain. Everyone also knows how refreshing forgiveness is, more than any physical shower we can have. Each  moment of forgiveness brings with it a fresh ray of hope, a promise of a better tomorrow, and the balm of healing and love. There couldn't be any better medicine for pain than forgiveness in love.

We are all called to forgive and to love again. Forgiveness is giving that second chance once again with a resolution to make it better this time, in a way that mirrors how each of us has been given our second chances after we have stood up from a fall. But sadly, some people don't know how to forgive. If only they know the power of forgiveness, they wouldn't hold on to the heavy chains of grudge and hatred, or to the binding strings of fear and regret.

Real forgiveness, as per my experience, always brings a renewal of a relationship and commitment. There is a second fresh encounter of persons. In the same way that God promised to wash away the sins of Israel, forgiveness washes away the stains that kept us apart. Our greatest need is forgiveness.

Falling Rain

Listen to the rain as they fall
Sound like tears in the wind
They all fade

Freezing and burning, passing by
The cold touch of soft breeze
I am lost

In the silence of falling rain
In the mist of longing
We shiver

The earth cowers with every splash
Each drop break and pierce through
His stone heart

Soaked, despondent he turns away
Hide from the falling rain
Rest and sleep

Missing My Friends

Just this morning, Bro. Marc Will handed me a book on St. Francis of Sales with a bookmark on a chapter on friendship. I was so inspired with what I read that I fell into a trance of remembering my friends since I started to walk this earth. The sloppiness that I've felt this morning was blown away by the vigor brought about by thinking of friends.

Looking out our study hall window and gazing upon the green lush of tree leaves swaying outside, I can see the open Laguna sky. I know I am quite distant from the place where I grew up, yet right now I am aware that I belong. Friendship binds us in unity. I cannot imagine how I would have grown, and I believe I would be much different from who I am now, if I have not met my friends.

Thanks to the powers of technology, I still was able to visit some friends in Facebook. I am amused at their goings on in life. Without being physically there, I share their sorrow and joy. I travel with them as I browse through their pictures. I read their minds as I read through and in-between their poetry and prose lines. May we be able to fully utilize the interconnectedness of the world by wire and wireless communications in order to truly make the world smaller and closer through the interconnectedness of persons and friends.

Jesus Flevit

JESUS FLEVIT

For you they fall, falling down to earth

Tears that sing my sorrow, sorrow for your worth

For you failed to see the day I knocked at your door

How I long to keep you under my wings

Your day of visitation comes today

Close not your eyes to the light of my day

Come back my children return to me

Open up your hearts, return to me

Break not my heart, my lovely spouse

For without me beauty fades from your house

My love will urge you on though times be dark

My love will keep alive your spark

-o0o-

Bro. Keith J. Amodia, SDB

Lyrics, Music, Vocals, and Video

Bro. Vince Michael Sabal, SDB

Piano

-o0o-

There were only two instances in the Gospel when Jesus wept. First, was when He wept for His friend Lazarus. The second, was when He wept for Jerusalem. This song was inspired from Luke 19:41-44, when Jesus wept for Jerusalem because she failed to recognize the day of His coming.

Many times, we too fail to recognize the coming of the Lord: in our daily relationship with him, in our brothers and sisters, and in the goodness that is inherent in each one of us. We are blinded by our own worries and cares that we fail to see the light of salvation breaking the walls of our own Jerusalem. So He sheds tears of sorrow and sighs his wish to gather everyone in the shelter of His wings.

The Passerby

Thanks for passing by, I had a good time
Thanks for passing by, I found my light
For truths that hurt, for kindness rhymed
And winds that blew which taught me flight

You came by, though short your stay
It seemed long enough for me to smile
As you further walk I bless and pray
You find your light each step, each mile

The sound of wind rushing through my soul
Balms the trimmings of a shaggy heart
Still I am grateful for your passing role
Unforgettable despite short a part

Taken For Granted

I fell in love.

Yes I did, with my current treatise in Philosophy, Metaphysics. It spoke for me of the wonder of being. This morning, the discussion, and I would spare you the philosophical definitions, fell on the nature and characteristics of being. One line struck me most and this I would share with you:

"The best way of hiding anything is to make it common, to place it among the most ordinary objects."

Jacques Maritain, A Preface to Metaphysics (1962)

Our great professor, Fr. Michael La Guardia, SDB, decried the fact that we have lost the wonder of being. He was near teary eyed when he recalled how as children we used to have fun in the rain and do all those stupid stuff kids do. He concluded it in a statement, we have outgrown them. And yes, I remember writing about this losing the sense of wonder, but more than that, we have lost the wonder of being.

We easily take for granted the many things around us because they are so common, and we think that they would always be there. As J. Maritain put it, we lost the wonder of things in the daily drag of life. Not just things, but also persons. We have lost the connection to the people we love simply because we lull ourselves to believe that everything will be the same, forever and ever, amen.

But no, not everything will be the same. People will come and go. How many of us has been slapped in the face whenever a loved one passes away? How many of us punish ourselves with regret over so many missed opportunities and times and moments we let go because it is so common, so 'not me anymore'?

Everyone has experienced the sting of being taken for granted, of being put aside, of being denied the acknowledgment of existence but everyone is doing it to everyone else. Maybe it is helpful to count our blessings every morning, especially with gift of persons around us, and appreciate them for who they are and for what they mean to us, then we will truly be able to wonder at the incalculable and innumerable grace and wonder that God has given us.

Then, there is God, who is in everything and in everywhere. He who is so near and so accessible has become so far, distant, and vague to us. We also have lost the wonder of God because we also take Him for granted. He is lost in the ordinariness of our daily lives, lost in the sea and tides of noise and humdrums of modernity, lost and placed at the most recess part of our priorities. The source of everything has been placed in the background.

Now it makes sense why God bewails the human memory! It is so easy for us to forget. And that path will lead to regret. But we can be assured that God will never forget, and he will never take for granted all those that he has placed in the palm of his hands. Amen.

Paghandum

Naghandum ko nga makab-ot ka
Apan mabuhat ko ang paghandum ra
Ang kamingaw misuksok sa 'kong kaunuran
Kalag ko mikurog sa bugnaw nga Amihan

Kamot ko mipaling-paling sa Habagatang hangin
Puslan ko'ng pangandoy sa akong kabahin
'ning gugma mipakab-ot diha kanimo
'ning kamot di makuptan imong anino

Gugma man mosurok sa akong mga ugat
Kung dili ma-ako ang sa akong tapat
Mahanaw ako sa akong pagdilaab
Maupos sa kalayo sa gugmang panaad

Pangandoy ug pangab-ot lang akong mahatag
Gikan sa tawo'ng way bahanding ikahatag
Kanunay'ng magdamgo nga ikaw ug ako
Mag-abot unta tungod sa paghandum kanimo

Facing the Mirror

Just among us brothers, we have been teasing ourselves on who's the most narcissistic. I have my own gauge as to who that would be by measuring the time they take in front of the mirror. The most detached, and some may contend with this, are those that just take a quick glimpse and run off to their own schedules. The opposite, the most attached, are those who take an awful lot of time to brush their hair, fix their polo's, and view their every possible angle in front of the mirror.

Of course, everyone has his own ritual in front of the mirror, and my gauge is not the best. In fact, it is just a source of fun for me observing how other people behave in front of the mirror. My bed is nearer the mirror now that we swapped bed spaces in our dormitory. We actually need to see ourselves face to face in order to believe that there is something worth fixing in us.

This struck me because unless we can see the reality of who we are, we can never accept and address any problem head on. The inability to face the inner mirror is a fruit of inner fear, the fear of being face to face with our inner selves. We fear that what we would only see a hideous creature but at the same time we wouldn't also know that in the mirror is just an innocent child with a little blemish of dirt across his face, unless we take the courage to stand in front of the mirror.

So, I ask myself what do I see in front of my own mirror?

The Salesian Lay Brother

Bro. JP and I have been discussing terms and labels last night. We were asking ourselves how should we call those in formation just before the novitiate. Are we to call them aspirants or seminarians, postulants or pre-novices? It was then that I learned from this jolly brother that, as for Don Bosco Formation Center, we call them aspirants and postulants in sensitivity to those aspiring to become Salesian Lay Brothers.

Not everyone is aware that there are two kinds of Salesians: the clerics and the lay brothers. The clerics are those in view for the holy orders, or in short those who want to live their Salesian vocation as priests. The lesser known group are the Salesian Lay Brothers, those who want to live their Salesian vocation in the lay state or in their field of profession and won't become priests in the near forseeable future.

I have always admired our Salesian Lay Brothers. Most of them, if not all, are known for their hard work and dedication. They work silently, albeit they are plagued with questions of when they will become priests since they have been called brothers for decades. They are known for their forte in their respective fields and they have worked for the young like horses without the limelight of priesthood. Such humble and silent dedicated work inspires me a lot. In my novitiate, I thought for months before handing my application to first profession on which path I should take. I would very much like to spend my life as a Salesian Lay Brother but God has other plans for me.

Several of the Salesians I deeply admire and idolize are Lay Brothers. One of my closest friends here in the Post Novitiate is a Lay Brother. Coming back from a national convention he came home silently and upon noticing him back, I could not help myself but welcome him with a tight hug. These breed of Salesians translate Don Bosco's Da Mihi Animas in the lay state, working for young people in their own field of work. You can see them in the shops, in classrooms, in choirs, in soccer fields, in offices, and at the chapel, faithfully living their consecrated life for the love of God and of young people.

This touches a deep chord in me because the Salesian Lay Brother offers everything who he is, his person and skills, and lives like an ordinary professional while living his vows of obedience, chastity, and poverty out of his belief in the mission of Don Bosco. Clerics and priests enjoy attention because they wear the cloth, but the Salesian Lay Brother works in the background without much fuss. They don't wear the clerical, the cassock or the stole. They go about in plain clothes, but if you look carefully, you notice that they are wearing the Spirit of Don Bosco. Kudos to the Salesian Lay Brothers!

Schwarz Football Club

Saturday mornings in the Post Novitiate are more lively than the other days, not because the brothers are high on caffeine, but because in the adjacent Savio field young people are running back and forth with their football. It is energizing to hear the shouts and laughter of these young sportsmen as they play their hearts out. What is called noise by grumpy old women is music to my ears.

They young people come early in the morning at around 6:00 as we are about to end our mass in the chapel. If I am not mistaken, they are members of the Schwarz Football Club here in Don Bosco Canlubang. Some Saturdays, high school members come as early as 5:00 in the morning to train. Their own determination and sacrifice has always challenged me to do better in my religious life especially when I fall into laxity and complacency.

It is interesting how I am able to draw energy from these young people. I think this is the blessing of the Salesian life, that as I spend my life for the young people entrusted to my care, their own energy and optimism replenishes mine starting a positive cycle.

Sports also has its educative aspect. I have seen the energy and effort those young men who come early in the morning put into their football drills. It teaches them discipline, perseverance, self-control, and many other values applicable to real life. I can relate because I have changed since I embraced sports when I entered the aspirantate. And this is a big challenge for me to be at home with sports so that I can give it to the young when my time for practical training comes.

As I type this short essay, I still could hear the shouts and laughter outside. I'm tempted to join them but I would stand out tall against a sea of small boys with their footballs.

Don't Let Me Wait

Don't Let Me Wait

Please just show me if you really love me

Don't let me guess

Don't give me a smile that'll last only a while

Please let it stay

'cause this heart's ain't gonna last forever

Waiting for a love that won't come

But this heart is yours forever

and it beats more than it's ever done

And I love you, I really do

With my heart and my soul, forever

In my heart, I really care

Should you bleed it dry forever

And I'll live for you and I'd die for you

And I'll sing for you and I'd fly for you

Don't let me wait

Can you tell me if you also love me

I'd like to know

Will you take me and will you keep me

Please take me home

-o0o-

Lyrics and Music: Bro. Keith J. Amodia, SDB

In Video

All Production: Bro. Keith J. Amodia, SDB

-o0o-

I wrote this song when I felt really down in life. I had a fight with one of my friends and I really wanted to make things right. Somehow, everything got complicated so even reconciliation did not work right. I thought of the many others who long for their relationships to smooth sail, even for just a day. So I wrote this song in behalf of all the lovers out there who long to be loved in return and who are challenged to be faithful despite the apathy.

I believe this is the first love song that I ever wrote. I even had the reservation to finish this since I am already a professed religious. What would people think if a religious would start writing love songs? But even so, I argued, I still am human and Christ would permit me to be in touch with the humanity within me, a nature shared by all men and women. This is my tribute to the love that binds couples together to form families.

Once Again

ONCE AGAIN

When you look at me it's then I really see

That sparkling smile in your eyes

When you pout your lips, it's when I really taste

The sweet, sweet honey from your lips

O girl, won't you tease me once again

Lay your head just next to mine

As we watch the stars pass by

O girl, won't you take my hand once more

Let me feel that beating heart

As we sing ourselves to sleep

When the morning comes and the night spent away

You'll be waking in my embrace

Whisper in my ear and hold me so dear

And everything's gonna be alright

-o0o-

Lyrics and Music: Bro. Keith J. Amodia, SDB

In Video

Interpreter: Bro. Keith J. Amodia, SDB

Guitar: Bro. John Paul Rasay, SDB

Beatbox: Bro. Vince Michael Sabal, SDB

Video Production: Bro. John Paul Rasay, SDB


-o0o-

This song was written because of the influence of my great and jolly friend, Bro. JP. JP has always been into the reggae genre, and he wished we could play some reggae song together as a band. I took the challenge to write a song. It ended up as a love song when I started thinking about the wonders of young love which is as light and happy as reggae. I was imagining two lovers under the star-studded velvet sky enjoying each other's company. The boy couldn't help himself but feel so attached to his beloved he can't stop himself from singing his song.

Little By Little

"Little by little we take it in and we get used to it," this was how Fr. Dixie pointed to us brothers in his homily how we can slowly absorb and integrate changes, good or bad. He was discussing how a religious could become used to a life that isn't so religious, leading to the betrayal of his religious vows.

This had me thinking this morning because it reminds me of my theory of the little-by-little devil. There seems to be a devil in us that keeps urging us to sin little by little. So subtle is the transgression we don't notice how we are falling steadily until we finally wake up to the fact that we have already come a long way down. The danger of saying "it's just this time" or "it's a small thing" isn't so small after all.

On the other hand, this brings to mind the Japanese concept of Kaizen, the principle of incremental improvement, which I believe we should practice. Little by little we take upon ourselves the task of self-improvement, in matters of everyday life and of our spirituality, day by day. What little effort we put in will slowly gain and build up towards perfection.

Changes can be little by little. What matters is the direction of the change.

Pride Kills

Of all the many deadly things that exist in this world, there is no other more potent lethal weapon than the primordial pride. In a sharing among friends some time ago, I have witnessed so hearts break because of pride. Why do we keep our walls up to keep others away? What is with our selves that makes us think we are more than every single thing outside of ourselves? Am I really so important, beautiful, indispensable, powerful, and invincible as I believe?

People bear pride in many ways. Show-offs wear it on their foreheads. The passive ones wear it hidden, dormant like a volcano but cataclysmic when in pressure. But either way, it is dangerous and so toxic it kills relationships. No one is exempted, not even us Religious. In fact, most of those who have it are those who are in the positions of power.

A very good and holy priest told me the secret to defeat pride. "Look at the cross, and tell me what you see." There on the cross is the God-made-Man, the epic symbol of humility. From the highest heavens, he came to suffer the humiliation of the cross. Who is man to brag before this selfless act of the omnipotent, omniscient, and omnipresent? Yet we are still so stiff-necked and cold-hearted to accept our own littleness before the infinite greatness of our God.

Best Vantage Point

Psychology states that we have our own personality that predisposes how we respond to the world. In Philosophy, we call it framework. I have been having questions about how we handle perspectives in life these past few months. Some rocky sailing had even made me doubt my own perspective of life (and I believe that was a terrible experience). It is not easy to answer what is true and real in a situation involving so many personalities, moods, and emotions, a hodge-podge brew of disaster.

Perspective is essential in life. It is how we see the world and from it we base how we react. Most of the time our perspectives are healthy and sometimes, because of biases, they are not. Real hard facts, conscience, counsel, and friends help us form good perspectives. Yet even among the good people, perspectives can clash.

It is so easy to find excuses from pop psychology to justify our own perspective. We can easily blame it on our upbringing. "That is who I am," is the best excuse I have heard so far. We can also be single-sighted that all other perspectives except our own are wrong. So how should we view the world? What is the best perspective or vantage point?

I was meditating on this during my dark nights and I was surprised that the answer is very much available (and visible). It is written on bands worn on young hippy wrists: WWJD. What would Jesus do?

We may have grown up with our own biases, some too stubborn to be scrubbed away by good counseling, but we are not left without a guide. There is always the best vantage point - the vantage point of God. "How would God want you to respond to this situation? What is He telling you to do?" Isn't these the questions of spiritual counseling?

But having the right answer does not to the question does not give the results. We have to work it out. In Jesus' words, "leave everything, carry your own cross, and follow me". Because most of the time, God's perspective is very much different from our own and to accept it is to let go of so many things dear to us. This is how the world hates God so much, because it can't let go of its own self and looking at the Transcendent One shames the self-centered.

Umibig Ka Pusong Malimutin

Umibig ka pusong malimutin
Nalimot na sa pag-ibig sa akin
Bumalik ka sa ganda't hiwaga
Isinulat ko sa iyong mga tala

Umibig ka pusong malimutin
Sa hangin muli mong langhapin
Hinga na aking habilin
Upang buhay ko iyong maangkin

Umibig ka pusong malimutin
Tandaan muli ang pangako
Isinulat at isinumpa sa aking puso
Hinding-hind kailan man mapapako

Umibig ka pusong malimutin
Pangalan ko bay sasambitin pa
Sa gitna ng gulo nasaloob ng 'yong diwa
Tawagin mo muli aking payapa

Umibig ka pusong malimutin
Tumibok muli para sa akin
Pukawin ang apoy na angkin
Pusong ligaw bumalik sa akin

Pagpangga ug Pangilin

Kun sa kaugmaon ako mapanaw
Ug pangalan ko sa yuta mahanaw
Kanimo di ko kapugngan nga ihambog
Akong gugma nga wa'y isig-kaisog

Kahilimtan man sa kalibutan
'ning kinabuhi kong nahimungtan
Apan di ko tapigan ni tagu-an
K'ing halad ko nga tanan

Saksi ang mga adlaw sa akong paningkamot
Sa kasing-kasing nga di malimot
Ginapos sa gugma, kini nagtibok
Maabot lang ang mga panghinaut

Sa kangitngit ang bulan nahibalo
Sa mga pag-ampo ug pangamuyo
Nga kagabhi-on lang ang namati
Mga damdam nga wa'y pili

Gugma sa kahilum nag-alaab
Para sa hinigumang nahisalaag
Bisan sa silop ang awit magpabilin
Pagpangga ug pangilin

For

Be strong for those who need you
Be knowledgeable for those who will learn from you
Be ready for those who will call for your help
Be present to those who are alone

Be pure for those who'll be inspired by you
Be there for those who love you
Be truthful for those who listen to you
Be honest for those who deal with you

Be life for those who are dying
Be hope for those who despair
Be faith for those who doubt
Be love for the unloved

Be nothing for those who need everything
Be something for those who have none
Be everything for those in need
Be someone for the no one

Be forgiveness for those who hurt you
Be healing for those who hurt
Be trust for those who are dubious
Be light for those who are lost

But most of all...

Be the voice for the one who called you
Be the vessel for the one who cares
Be filled with the One who emptied
Believe in the One who believes in you.

To Open Sea

My sail is still, my sail is still
How soon, O Wind, will you blow?
No one to fill, no one to fill
A heart that longs to go

Out to sea, to open sea
Where adventure lies ahead
Here I remain with an open plea
A wish in sea I tread

Glide and move on top the waves
But still do I remain
Until, O Wind, the way you pave
With a blow to ease my pain

The Lark's Song

The lark breaks the cold gray morning

With his own brand of sweet song

Though he sang with all his heart's beating

No one else would bring it along

Yes his song is sung alone

It rings in the silence of the air

No song as beautiful is known

Yet none for him to share

A sweet sad song he sings

Perhaps a song of true warm tears

Flowing amid deep cold mornings

Falling on dull deaf ears

Yes, his song is sung alone

Across hearts that fail to breathe

Within such a peaceful tone

Harmony sung incomplete

The sun will not rise again

Though sky is pink in blossom

Till the lark finishes his song

With someone to sing it along

In the Light of Truth

"There is nothing hidden that will not be revealed, and there is nothing secret that will not become known and come to light." Luke 8:17


If I Bro. Carmelo Martinez, SDB would ask me again what's on top of my hierarchy of values I still would answer "Truth". (Bro. Melo has been our Values Clarification teacher in the pre-novitiate, and the best.)


I believe anything that is not founded on truth would be consumed by its own lies and swallowed by its own shadow. The verse suddenly popped in my brain as I was saying vespers with the community. I have met people who blind themselves by their own lies because the truth is simply too bright to look at. It is a sad sight for people who can see but refused to see the light of truth. There are people too who have been courageous enough to embrace the light of truth despite the initial fear. In the end, the truth has set them free.


As I try my best to become a good and holy Salesian, I nail it in my brain to always abide by the truth. There are lapses of course, considering the technical glitches in my circuit board, but the effort of staying with the Truth and living with the Truth is worth more than living in the comforts of the shadow.

Down Mt Tabor

I have heard of people wanting to go up Mt Tabor, the mountain of Transfiguration. Many times in retreats and recollections, a metaphor to the mountain is used to illustrate how we remove ourselves from the cares and worries of the world in order to be alone, atop a high mountain, and there be transfigured with Christ. The social weather we have today is full of pressure and concerns that the natural tendency for the post modern man is to recluse himself in order to cope better the problems he faces. For us Christian Catholics, this is going up Mt Tabor with Christ.

Yet we mustn't forget that what comes up must go down. Nobody can live forever, yet, in Mt Tabor. Life moves down below, in the very concrete circumstance of life. I believe it is wrong to assume that the experience of spiritual "high" is the very end of transfiguration. Rather, we are transfigured in order to be sent down, to bring the experience of God back to ordinary life and to ordinary people.

I think of many participants of retreats and seminars and how after a period of staying with Christ, they glow with the joy and holiness of the Encounter with Christ. The challenge for them is to sustain that experience even after the "high" has faded. We are not spiritual junkies.

I also think of people who recluse themselves, going into their own inner Mt Tabor, and who because of lack of courage to really face truth, could not take the step down back to the real world. Sadly, they are stuck in high in the mountain enjoying the solitude that will soon becomes loneliness then despair as the Spirit of the Lord does not rest on despairing hearts.

My experience of life taught me that Mt Tabor isn't just the "high" but it is also the "lows" of life. Even intense sadness can bring the transfiguration that Christ desires for us. But either high or low, we must go down Mt Tabor, to be in the world but not of the world.

Befriending People, not Friendship

I have a terrible realization these past days. There are times when people befriend friendship and not the persons. I mean, they make friends out of convenience, out of status, out of insecurities, but they really are not interested in the person. It is so easy to say that we are friends, but it is not that easy to prove it. Only time can tell.

I was sad because a friend recounted a story of how friendship that appeared to be real and deep is but a shallow relationship that verges on using people to get yourself on by. How does friendship really work? I don't have THE right answers, I can only offer my experience.

First, I believe friendship is all about PERSONAL ENCOUNTER. You meet the person and take him for who he is. You affirm the good and bear with the bad. And in this encounter, both persons grow and the relationship grows.

Second, friendship is very much like the banking business. You INVEST time, effort, energy, and gifts. It's not a matter of withdrawing the interest later, but more of investing in each other because there is much to be discovered and developed in one another.

Third, friendship is ART. You make one another beautiful so as to be the persons God want you to be. Holiness or sanctity or self-fulfillment could never be achieved alone. You have to work it out with others to discover the piece of God in you.

My prayer now is that should I have to undergo the relationship microscope, I be found worthy to be called a friend by people. It would be a sad case for me if I have become a parasite that has stuck to people to suck them of their goodness and goodwill. Yes, companionship and friendship is good, but we must remember it is all about dealing with people and persons.

I Live On A Ball

I am reading the third book of the Chronicles of Narnia, "The Voyage of the Dawn Treader", these days when my mind starts to boggle down reading Philosophy. There is this one curious episode in the story that really captured my attention. (By the way, the movie adaptation is coming soon.)

When the passengers of the Dawn Treader were nearing the edge of the world, they were asking what's at the rim. Would it be a chasm where their voyage would end plummeting down with the water? One of the Pevensie kids remarked that the world of Narnia would be different from our world. We live on a ball. At that statement, Caspian quipped wouldn't it be nice to live in a ball where people on the other side live upside down?

It's a funny episode but it's worth reflecting. If I live in the Philippines, certainly people living on the other side, say United States, would be living upside down! But the earth so, so big, it seems flat. We forget that it is round, and that the horizon is but a line that hides the other face of the earth.

Our way of thinking is all about perspective, and having a good one at that.

The Tree that Bore Much Fruit

Today is the Feast of the Exaltation of the Holy Cross. We remember the tree that witnessed the Sacrifice of the Lamb. We remember the tree where Love himself was nailed. We remember the tree that turned the world upside down.

The cross is a symbol of torture and pain. It is a morbid symbol. People, no criminals, were hanged in it and capital punishment was delivered on the cross. Yet, we Christians venerate the cross because we believe that it is through the cross that God showed mankind his highest act of love: "Greater love has no one than this, that one lay down his life for his friends." (John 15:13) It is no longer a symbol of pain. It has become a symbol of love.

It is unthinkable then for us who call ourselves Christians, to be ashamed of the cross. Are we not proud of the cross that won for us our victory, dignity, and salvation? Or are we too concerned with our Good Fridays that we forget the Easter Sunday that follows the cross?

The world will teach us to escape pain and suffering. Dash as you may, but running away is futile. Pain and suffering is inescapable. There will come a time when you have to face it. It is there as a passage of transcendence. It is in embracing our cross that we come to see the Truth and who we are in the light of the Truth.

In the cross, one may find abandonment, fear, rejection, and pain. But also through the cross one can witness the people who will stand by you until the end: the Father who is in Heaven, the parent(s) who will never abandon their child, and the friend who truly cares.

My Urban Adventure

GMA Skyline

At first it was unthinkable, unconquerable, and impossible. It was like facing giants and legions of soldiers charging at you. I thought I could not do it. I thought wrong.

I have to admit, I was shaken at the thought of going back to Canlubang alone. Passing through the Manila metropolis, along the tangled mesh of roads, passes, and streets that seem to have captured in its web the many tall and imposing buildings in whose feet the populace walk to and fro, all breathing the undeniably toxic atmosphere of city smog. I'm a lonely boy from the province of Cebu (which by the way is a metropolis too, but much less complicated) who thought it too much to wade through the sea of people, people he doesn't know, people who might hold him up, people who might just suddenly jump on him anytime, biding their time...

Ahh... the imagination of a cowardly, chaining an adventurous heart! But I was also on the challenge. Some people know that Keith Amodia has a side that befits a room in an intense psychiatric ward. With that side challenged, no once can stop it. I wasn't really conscious of what I was doing. My hand automatically took my backpack. My legs walked on their own. I was entranced by the urban adventure.

It wasn't scary afterall! I felt so free and independent walking the business avenue of Makati. The thrill of getting lost in the city made my heart beat faster. Adrenaline kept me at my guard against the elementals of the city... too much adrenaline, I was getting paranoid. I was simply high on the experience I did not feel the distance of the long walk.

I suddenly found myself facing the famous dragon, Epifanio de los Santos Avenue. The dragon that embraced the heart of the metropolis. The dragon that embraced Philippine history. It is alive, vehicles zooming in its traffic veins. This is a rare sight. The cleric meets the dragon.

My bus ride along the Skyway

I took the bus. I jumped on one when I saw its signboard shouting "Calamba". It was a lucky coincidence. It fit perfectly on my ideal adventure of taking a ride the way ordinary people do. The bus wasn't airconditioned. It was crammed with ordinary people. I was ordinary once more. I have been going around Manila in a private van for too long. I felt one with the ordinary people around me. It felt good experiencing the traffic, the  sights, the stops and go's, and the wind that carries with it the smell of a motor engine. Discomfort! what a comfort!

When my feet touched down Mayapa, I felt fulfilled. I did a journey I thought was impossible. I had the courage to face the scare, and it wasn't so scary after all. I did it! I did it! It was an adventure. Now I have to continue it.

Friend, Like It or Not

I am your friend whether you like it or not
I'll be there beside you even if you're a snot
Should we be good or in fight, I am your friend
Count on this, I'll be there till the end

I made you my friend, my treasure to keep
You name on my palm, awake or asleep
So it doesn't matter if now you're a snob
Because you're a friend that I truly love

Should you be away, I can keep you near
Here in my memories, you need not fear
I have surrounded you with joy and laughter
From the days, weeks, and months together

I know that when you are silent you want to talk
It's your weird way of inviting me to walk
Along you boulevard of hopes and dreams
Of laughter, tears, of wishes and whims

So I cam your friend whether you like it or not
A friend without 'if' nor with a 'but'
A friend is a friend is a friend is a friend
That's how it is for me to the end

Reason, no Reason

The day I learned to love you
Is the day I learned to lose you
When you slipped into the nothingness
Fading into my forgetfulness

The day I learned to love you
Is the day when I finally knew
That to keep is to imprison
And to let go is of no reason

Reason in truth, reason in love
Reason, no reason from above
For the day I learned to love you
Is the day I learned to free you

Flow, flow

Carry on as you flow
Flow down, down, deep
Deep into the dark blue
As my hands cannot keep

Deep into the dark blue
Sail and slide away
Glide and glide away
Away flee as they flew

Across the dark blue
To where I do not know
But flow, flow as you go
As you wish, you will go

I wish you go and flow
To where I do not know
And down, down, deep
With you I flow and keep

Faithfulness

Will you be there beside me
When I won't be so loveable
When beauty has long faded
And the years long spent

Will you be there beside me
When the storm's blown full
And the wind beating and screeching
Should leave me pale and pall

Will you be there beside me
When I have lost all glory
And shadows loom in my eyes
Eyes of a sad, sad story

Will you be there beside me
As I breath my last
Alone and shivering as I gasp
Life slowly turning past

Will you be there beside me
When I'll have faded away
Not in mind and heart I stay
Dissolving, fading in the fray

And, yes, you are beside me
And, yes, I am happy
To have you just beside me
To share eternity

The Best Things In Life Are Free

If prices are soaring in the market, the best things in life are left for free. Thank God, they remain free, otherwise we would have to buy every ounce of air we breath, every glass of water we drink, every piece of earth we step on, and every sunlight that brightens the day. Yet how come I never stop in my day to day track to thank God for these things? Most of the time I just leave them for granted thinking they would be there forever, that I would enjoy them forever.

Relationships too are free. Our relationship with God is certainly free. Our relationship with others is also free, if we have the openness and honesty to enter into it. Our relationship with ourselves is very much free. Our relationships, while remaining free, needs to be nourished. We nourish it with companionship that shows you care, or with a simple smile that say's I'll always be there. But isn't it true that oftentimes we take relationships for granted too? We think that people will always be there forever, that we would keep them beside us forever.

Many things are free. All of them unmerited. Why not start to appreciate, take care, and treasure these gifts? Would it take a price tag for each gift before we can understand the value of the best things in life?

What's In A Name?

"Good afternoon, class. I am your religion teacher. You can call me Bro. Keith. Pero pag feeling close kayo, Kitoy na lang."

It's not the standard introduction for a teacher, but hey, I'm not an Education graduate. But this is how I introduced myself to my third year class in Majada In High School. Then recently, something triggered me to write this reflection. There is something special about names.

Its a mystery how our parents come to choose our names. Lucky for me, I have a single-word, five-letter name, so it wasn't so difficult during my elementary years writing my name or rushing things during my biology speed exam in high school. Some others are not as lucky, having more names, while others have weird names. Names are truly magical.

We ask our parents how'd they arrive at such a name. Growing up, we never mind at first, but sooner or later, you'll learn to ask. People call you by that name. Friends tease you by playing with that name. So what's in a name? Your name supposedly defines who you are as a person.

In Biblical times, I have learned, that names give you power over something. Only someone higher can give names. That's why Adam was given the chance to name all creation because he is the steward and that's also why God couldn't be named, just I AM, because no one's higher than Him. If we could choose our names at birth, we could have picked one that we really liked and one that would really define us but lucky us, we were powerless before the creativity of our parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives. Manky Pacquiao (Manny-Jingky) are you there?

Most people know me by my name "Keith". My friends call me "Kitoy". But very few know me by a third name. I really hold it sacred and dear to me. Telling it to another person feels like handing over my total person. When I shared my name to another, it feels like a real communion of persons and not just a drive-by getting-to-know-you act.

Hearing that name or remembering being called by that name certainly gives me goosebumps. Only people who truly loved me called me that way. Googling the internet shows I am the only Keith Amodia in the whole world. Googling more, I find that there are also many Keith's whose nickname is Kitoy. But my sacred name, something secret to a circle of family and very close friends, wakes me from a deep slumber and reminds me of who I am.

How do they call you? And what's in your name?

If Today Were The Last

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?

One very Salesian habit I have acquired is to anticipate the hour of my death. When everyone is lost living in the moment of pleasure blissfully placing aside the impending thought of mortality, death seems so far away it seems it doesn't exist in our paths. But we know that death has its own surprises. It comes and it goes. One day we just find ourselves missing someone, or we find someone missing us.

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


Indeed, if today were my last, how would I live it? I question how I have lived my twenty four years of life. Have I become a good person? Have I made many friends? Have I touched lives? How would people write my eulogy, or how would they write my biography?

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


In the face of death everything falls into place. What we think was important was nothing but vanity. What we took for granted is actually everything. People would matter more and loving would make more sense. As the clock ticks, time is running out. Each day is a day nearer to death. What really matters? Where should I place myself in?

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


When the time comes for me to see my lifeless body, I hope my only failures would be failures from my own immaturity and not failures that I willed to happen. I hope I would have less regrets or that I have made most of my things to do before I die. And I hope that I die smiling and in peace.

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


A simple question could change the way we think, act, and live. If today were the last, how would I spend it?

The In-between

There is a certain moment in our our growth, that subtle change, when we learn to stop wondering. Our sense of wonder fades as we enter into normalcy. Everything appears normal. Boringly normal.

It is good to stop a while and revisit my self. Just when did I learn to stop wondering about the world around me? When did I stop looking up the sky and look at the many shapes that the clouds form or ask what's beyond the stars? When did I stop to be amazed at how my feet firmly holds the earth and not float away into space? In the distant past, the world was full of wonders. It was full of magic. It was full of adventures.

I remember getting excited riding the jeep. Now, travel's become a bore and the sights that pass before my eyes remain but a passing blur. I remember the joy of being under the rain and drinking it. Now, the rain brings gloom and inconvenience. What happened in between?

The in-between, the mysterious in-between, tells me how easy it is to forget. It tells me how easily we grow up to become boring adults. It tells me how time can dull our sense of wonder simply because we begin to take things for granted. Now I wonder how'd I react if the sky were to disappear from the ceiling of earth, or that there'd be no rain under storm clouds.

I see it an invitation for me to always practice gratitude and to wonder again at the beauty and magic of the world. Seeing more than what we see can open our eyes to the treasure that had long sat in front of us.

Nakama

"All Relationships are about trust." It struck me strongly that I can't help but reflect on my own experience of relationships. The latest roller coaster ride with relationship I had gave me the strongest lessons I have learned so far. There can be no relationship without trust.


This made me reminisce the friends I had made through the years. Most of them were good and healthy friendships. Some are just casual that I could have nurtured more. A few were broken by immaturity then. These many friends, and their memory, had made me cope with life more easily because they shared the experience of life with me. This sharing is an exchange of trust. I am grateful that they had trusted me and they have kept my trust in return.


One of the popular manga around, Bleach, gave a very beautiful reflection on friendship. To the characters, a friend is a "nakama", someone who shares a deep bond. To them friendship is an exchange of hearts so that wherever you are your friends' hearts stays with you. 


I believe it is true. Friendship is a sharing not just of hearts but of persons and that makes it beautiful because you get to encounter another person, another beautiful being, and you share each other's being without losing your own individuality.


How I wish it were true for all my friends and all my relationships in general. I once said to a confrere, "When I die, I want to be remembered as a person who loved the best way he can." To all those whom I have hurt before, I am sorry, it is not who I wished to be. To all my friends now, I want you to know I am living for you too. Life is too beautiful to be wasted on negativities. It would be better to spend it on loving, learning, and living.

How do you eat an elephant?

How do you eat an elephant?

I've heard this question before. At first I was caught in surprise thinking it would be impossible no matter how big your appetite is. Wait, now some familiar faces are popping in my mind… The answer by the way is piece by piece.

Sometimes, upon facing a very big challenge, we are simply stumped. We realize how little we are and how big the problem is. Then doubts come pouring in, confidence erodes, and self-trust vanishes into thin air. Isn’t this our usual experience? The world seems to be filled with so many problems and too few people to solve it.
As the saying goes, a journey of a thousand miles begin with a simple step, maybe we all just need to take that first step of faith. It may be far, it may be big, but the first step is the start of its conquest. I believe we are all called to face our daily challenges and do something about it rather than cry all day in our helplessness.
This is what I learned as I faced the mammoth Philosophy. Forgive me, but many times I'm a coward, and as I face my studies, I tremble at the thought of de Universa. I have heard stories of post-novices jittering and jokes of brothers who faint in front of the panel of professors. My first dive, my first step, into the waters of Philosophy may have brought shivers but once I was inside the water, I realize I know how to swim and I know I can reach the next shore.

Stupid me, there is no reason to rush things. De Universa is years away, there is ample time to prepare. I’m still at the bottom of the ladder, I’ll face things as they come.

Piece by piece, that's it. We don't have to take everything all at once. Take one piece of life a day, munch it, relish it, and gulp it in. After days of taking a small piece at a time, what looked like an elephant before has become a teeny-weeny mouse. An impossible task has become a delightful meal called life.

Study, study, study!

I took this short time to take a break from a studying. I might be experiencing shock. A few weeks ago, my mind was just floating in the air, now it's floating in the waters of Philosophy, frantically gasping for a breath. I think I need a strong impulse of charge to my brain to heat it up. The constant barrage of reading assignments, the prospect of having to undergo check-up tests every meeting, and the many other demands of this study is some bitter herb for my sweet-toothed brain.

Just like many other bitter medicines, I am sure this is about to unfold some good thing for me. Certainly, it has awakened a brain that is quite becoming lazy. I have an inkling of a feeling that I am getting dumb every time I use Facebook. If I need some powerful jump start, I need it fast and now.

I still hold on to the principle that my studies is an owning of Don Bosco's Pro Vobis Studeo. My mood these weeks have been down so this is really a test of will power. And to think, we all have to study the whole of our lifetime! Everyday, then, is a test of will power. That's all for now, my brain's getting fried. Cheers!

Reservoir of Talent

I am continually amazed by the richness of Filipino talent. I was utterly entertained when I stumbled upon two videos on Facebook.

First was the Official Music Video of Lady Gaga's Telephone. Lady Gaga has become an icon of pop culture. I am not a fan or an advocate but I entertain myself with how she and American Pop move together (and how it affects us Filipinos altogether). I have several comments on the music video but this post is not a review on Lady Gaga so I'll proceed on.

The second video that brought me laughing my heart out was the video by Lady Gagita and Haronce. They made a very good parody of the original music video. It was humorous and very entertaining. But what really amazed me was the latent talent in every Filipino that has exploded in these two very young and ordinary Filipino youth.

I couldn't help but admire the video editing that they did. They actually made a very good video flow that matched Telephone's multi-million dollar production. While watching the video, I was continually guessing what software could have been used in this parody. I was shocked to learn later on that they used what was readily available to them - Movie Maker!

One could think they were using expensive video cameras but looking at the shots, you can see they were using a point and shoot digicam. What made the shots really good was how they shot in angles and copied the artistic techniques used in the original video.

Their use of improvised props and costumes was really hands-down creative! The dancing was also good. I could not help but be proud of Filipino talent and ingenuity. I know I am all praises here but the video is really worth commendable.

On a more serious side, I realized that the youth that as educators we don't need to plant the seeds of talent in our young people because they already have it in them. What we need to do is to cultivate the germinating potential of each young Filipino. These two young people from Mindanao took media tools and made a fantastic video out of their own resources plus imagination. This made me promise myself that as a Salesian, I am to bring out the potential of every young person that I meet.

Yet I must also not forget the task of evangelization, one that raises natural talent to its divine fulfillment. Isn't it wonderful to know that God has richly endowed humanity with all his graces so that humanity could reflect the infinite beauty who is God? We need to remember that each person is a treasure of giftedness and talent, and whose potential awaits to be unleashed.

Just be Grateful, Live and Love Life!

It's so easy to forget the possibility that we are, we tend to think we are nothing when we are something! I was just amused this afternoon after meeting once more this wonderful guy who inspired me years ago. This was once man who changed my outlook on life, on myself, and on the wonder that I am.

Nick Vujicic was born without limbs but I bet he lives life better than any of us. It's inspiring to see a man who makes most of what he has, and doesn't moan about the things missing from his life. This man just lives life as it is. He loves it as it is. And he is just happy as he is.

I couldn't add more. You have to see for yourself and draw your own reflection and a stronger resolution to be more thankful, to be more inspired, and to be more loving to yourself, to others, and to God.

God has never left any of his children without the blessings that they need and more.

Watch this video.
Check out Nick's site here.

Complexity of being Complex

I am reading a book on mastering your emotions nowadays, actually there are two books I'm reading side by side, I am struck by the exposition that as babies our emotions flow naturally. We laugh when we are amused, we cry when we are hungry, and we cross our brows when something's fishy. I remember the many baby faces that I saw through the years, how each innocent face carries with it the unbridled expressions that I used to have.

Each one of us at some point can be a sad story. We tend to forget our childhood and our innocence. Take for example how we tend to hide our true feelings and sentiments all for the name of rationalization. Yet we are all emotional beings. We live with emotions and we die with emotions. Take a stroll outside and count the number of people who smile and frown against the number who keep poker faced. It's a more sad story when people are disconnected with their own feelings.

It is my personal belief and conviction that in each one of us is a child, the very same child that God brought forth on the day of our birth. Our physical bodies may age but the child within continues to live on despite the many layers of masks we place upon it. In my friendships, I try to connect with others as a child and I want to find the child in others. It's not child play or childishness but a search for the innocent and pure person that lies hidden within.

We all were born simple yet we grow up to become complex. How I wish the world could find once more the peace and joy of being young and innocent. Our fears could take the blame, how we hide our true selves to protect it, though I think it's digging your own grave, but wouldn't we be happier if we just act and move as we used to be when we were children? Deep inside adults miss the fun of being a child. So today, I resolve to smile more, live more, and love more.

Conversations

These days have been giving me opportunity to reflect and think about life. I have had many encounters with my fellow community members and I have enjoyed talking with them and learning from them. The posts I have made brought back a little conversation with our outgoing Bro. Assistant and Practical Trainee, Bro. Joji Inocentes, SDB.

I was humming some songs that really resonated from my own sentiments that afternoon as I watched our Toyota Revo speed its way up the Benguet slopes to Baguio City. Bro. Joji took notice and asked me if what I am singing is a theme song. The conversation went on and he asked a quite difficult question: "Why do we need others to compose theme songs for us?"

The question took me by surprise and I couldn't mutter an answer. Minutes went by and bang! I found the right answer.

Not all people are musically gifted and so not all can translate their emotions to songs and music. So it is natural that not many of us can compose songs in order to express our feelings. But our natural affinity to music allows us to relate with the music that other people have made. If it is not possible for us to create our own music, we instead resonate with the feelings and sentiments that other people put into theirs.

As I thought along this line, it made me realize another important thing. Even if everyone could compose their own songs so as to perfectly portray their own feelings and selves I guess these songs would resemble one another. This is because, I believe, we share the same spectrum of emotions. Even if each one composes his own song, they would all sound like anyway.

What I am arriving at here is the mystery of our own uniqueness and connectedness. We may  be different from each other but we all share the same nature. We could be singing at different tones but it all adds up to a grand harmony that powerfully displays the beauty and grandeur of our own humanity.

Real Men Hurt

I woke up with my body aching all over. It seems the football game that we had with the aspirants yesterday was more than my body could handle. I have been out of the field for two weeks. The Baguio trip that we had certainly was fattening. I moaned to my fellow Brother Sami, "My whole body aches." And he delivered the line that made me think the whole morning: "It means you're alive."

Pain most of the time is not welcome but it reminds me that I am still alive and kicking. The thought of pain sends shivers down my spine. I would be the first to run away at the thought of undergoing pain. The series of unfortunate events that silently happened to me during the past weeks did change my paradigm. It made me understand pain better. In order to grow one must embrace the pain that comes once in a while.

There are many forms of pain. The easiest of which is physical pain. The hardest to face is emotional pain. One thing I've learned is that the more you run away, the greater the pain will be. But with a courage that could only come from inside, you do a 180 and face the pain head-on, you'd be surprised to find that pain is just an invitation to live and experience life more fully.

Real men do hurt. It is only in our pain that we experience our humanity. We all are vulnerable (and this brings to mind one emo song I also like). In my pain I feel I am alive and from it I draw strength to move on, to forgive, and to love better than I have.

Welcome to Canlubang

It's been a year and days more since I my last post! Congratulations to me! I have kept my word on abstaining from blogging for the whole novitiate year.

And now I find myself in Canlubang, a place sacred to all Filipino Salesians. Every Salesian Priest or Lay Brother you can find had spent years and years of study and formation here. When I was still in Lawaan, I have heard so many stories of this blessed place from Salesians who have grown up here. Now that I am here, sitting on a computer chair, my eyes glued to the laptop screen, and smelling the very essence of Canlubang, I fall into a trance and awe at the fortune of finding myself here.

I am simply awestruck at the turn of events in my life. The thought of Salesian formation was out of the question years ago, but I believe that God in his own wise ways have plucked out a Kitoy from his comforts and transplanted him to different places the latest of which is Canlubang. I can only ride the tide knowing all full well that it is God who blows the wind and directs the tide.

I do not know what is in store for me here. Two years can just pass by so swiftly. I have my hopes up for I know I am still at home as every Don Bosco house is a home. True, I miss Cebu where I grew up my whole life but I am also open to the adventures awaiting me in place called Canlubang.