On Solid Rock

A close friend recommended to me an article (which he did not know I already read) he thought would be of interest to me. I reread my own copy of it in the hopes of getting something new as is always the case when you read again an article. My eyes fell upon this quotation from a study by Weiser:

"... clergy are the most often unaware that they are at risk. Their own perceptual distortions lead them to believe that they are functioning adequately; and yet manifestations of anger and hostility, the alienation of counselees or congregational members, and the regular assigning of blame to others  indicate that something is wrong. But often the religious professional will deny the presence of symptomatic behaviors, even when confronted directly."

Only one phrase rang a bell: perceptual distortions. It is the quiet filter in our vision of the self that colors how we think we really are. I could be wearing one for all I know. I believe it is a silent cruel evil because it distorts the truth because of self-made assurances. It struck me because I know of people who think they are good but in the measure of real goodness, they flunk.

It made me question, how can we be ever sure that we are in the right path or that we are acting rightly, truly, and sincerely? Or are we all victims to our own subjective conditions: how we were brought up, how we view the world, how we have come to know ourselves, or how the faith has been passed on to us? How can we be ever sure that we are doing God's will?

It is important for me because I am a religious who will witness to the Truth. If I am not in the Truth, then I am no witness. If I color the Truth, then it is no longer the Truth but a lie. Without my wanting it, my actions will always be observed, judged, and taken notice of by the people around me simply because I am a religious. Such a high expectation from our culture demands from me strictest possible discipline that I can place on me.

DETECT AND TEST

There is the danger for the religious to spiritualize everything, that something black become gray. We might not know it but we are already wolves in sheep's clothing. So the call to purify intentions remains valid. As I thought over this, Jesus' words came to me: You will know a tree by its fruit. The most crucial thing is to detect that something is wrong and you can detect the symptoms of deeper problems by the way a person acts: "... and yet manifestations of anger and hostility, the alienation of counselees or congregational members, and the regular assigning of blame to others  indicate that something is wrong." If you can't reconcile a person's words and his actions, there is something wrong in the middle.


We can always test ourselves and the fruit of our actions against what St. Paul expects of those who live in the Spirit. Are the fruits of the Spirit visible in us? Even more, here we underline the importance of examining our consciences at the end of the day in a two-fold question: what are the bad things we have done and the good we have failed to do?

Another big help that I know of is asking other people. If you have real close friends you can ask for feedback on how you can improve better your self. It is also important to listen to criticisms because each spite holds a grain of truth. Don Bosco has always encouraged approaching a spiritual director and confessor, angels who will guide you in your path.

One important question that I inherited from formation and I find useful as a religious asks me: How close am I to the person of Christ? Because I am a religious I have to emulate and personify Christ before people. But let me extend this question even to the lay and those who call themselves Christian. For by our name Christians, we implicitly announce that we follow Christ and we are willing to become like Christ.

ACCEPT

The most difficult phase perhaps is accepting that there is something wrong in me. This is the part where many people refuse to move forward toward change. For once the self-image is challenged, the ego will attempt to close its eyes on the truth. The truth is not always enjoyable, most of the time it is painful. It is more painful when it involves peeling off the sugarcoating and revealing the truer image of who we are. This takes humility, and a lot of it. How many times have we known we were wrong but preferred to gloss over it thinking it doesn't really matter?

CORRECT

Only when we are convinced of our imperfections can we strive to become more perfect. It takes time to correct a deeply-entrenched bad habit but little by little we can always undo such a habit. Scaling the heights of sanctity takes effort.


In my Philosophical studies, we deal with this on the question between Immanence and Transcendence. Is truth limited to the individual such that it is relative or is there something we can call Absolute Truth. My conscience tells me there is Absolute Truth.

Christ remains the true measure of Sanctity, the solid rock we can build our house on. We may possess our own perceptual distortions which will color our view of who we really are. Yet if we remember the brilliance of Christ's light, we can always gauge ourselves to his Truth. The Season of Lent starts tomorrow, perhaps these three little steps will help us in our Spiritual Growth.

Of Detachment and Moving On

Yesterday's Gospel asks one question: Am I willing to let go of all my attachments in answering the call of Christ for me?

I wanted very much to blog about it yesterday but didn't have the time since I have to wash my clothes (and yes, I wash my own clothes here in the post novitiate). This morning gives me ample time to think and reflect again, to draw out from the Gospel of Daily Life. In the gray and cold overcast morning of Canlubang, I received latest news of happenings that providentially coincides with my first reflection.

Aspirants come and go in the seminary. It is a sad but true fact that not everyone perseveres in the seminary. It is sad because as years go by you build a brotherhood and friendship that is quite an unforgettable heaven and to leave it behind is like going out of the gates of Eden. It is sad for both, for us who stay because we have to move on despite a dwindling number of candidates in a batch, and for those who have left because they will surely miss the seminary culture as they take on the new road which they believe is the right path for them. The coming and going of candidates is natural in the seminary where people come to discern or seek their true calling in life.

For this formation year, both seminaries in Canlubang and in Lawaan have guided vocations outside their walls. It is always a sad exchange of goodbyes, but it is also a victory for the discernment process. At the personal side, it takes a lot of courage to continue on without the usual friends that you are accustomed with. You have to let go of batch mates because they have their own paths to follow. This is the "moving on" for us, a drama that is unfamiliar for lay folk.

I am also happy for my friends who have chosen to continue their search for God outside the formation house. As we are the Church's investment inside her ranks, they have become her investment in the world. They have been specially trained and inculcated with the spirit and skills while in formation, and they will bring these in the world that is to become their field of work.

For us who believe we will find Christ in our perseverance in the Salesian Religious Life, it takes a double toll of detachment: of the unessential and of the one's self. Anything that is unessential in following Christ must be left behind. Anything that hinders one's heart to answer God's call must submit. I don't call it a total and absolute renunciation of the world because in following Jesus we remain in the world. Instead of dismissing the whole world altogether, we only take those parts that are useful in one's vocation. And this is the easier of the two, because in the second renunciation, we die to ourselves.

And I believe this is why there are fewer who persevere in the Priestly and Religious Life, because nowadays, it is so difficult to live this daily dying to one's self. This dying is not physical rather it involves the interior self of a person. A religious must discipline his own human nature to match it with Christ's perfect expression of poverty, chastity, and obedience. To sublimate one's energies, to rationalize one's passions, to curb one's appetite, to tailor the self to make it more like Christ is a radical option that goes beyond the extremes of Islamic extremists and the verbatim of the fundamentalist. This I believe is the ultimate discipline of the religious, the more proper expression of asceticism, the spiritual hair shirt that each religious should wear. This is the difficult part of the religious life in which so many of us fail.

The lay person must recognize this in his priest for him to appreciate the hidden struggles his pastor is doing for the sake of being a single-hearted Christ for his sheep. It is utter foolishness for the people of the world, but it is the only way to become Christ for other people. We have chosen to live this path, and we are willing to pay its demands. Why? Because in this path we have found Love so sublime that what we pay pales in comparison to what we have found and are fighting for.

Calling Out

The night no matter how beautiful

Is as dark as its velvet shade

When my heart is calling out to you

And the distance of so many miles apart

Are like clouds that cover the moon and stars

And my heart is calling out to you

Dreams limitless though they are

Fall short of reaching you afar

And my heart is calling out to you

A gaping hole demands to be filled

In my soul whose tears have dried

For my heart is calling out to you

Such sadness blinds the sun's rise and set

And the heavens hide her ornaments

With it my heart is calling out to you

Painful agony, how sweet to wait

For something that comes not yet

Till then my heart is calling out to you

I call then from my depths, please hear

And come in haste, be near

My heart is calling out to you