If You Will It

Cast out from the mainstream light
Into the unknown, quandary night
No more now as I was then before
Scarred and chipped, disfigured sore

Heard then I from a distant shout
Walls that kept me once but out
That hope has come to take me in
Back to what my home has been

I willed it not, none will let me in
Hearts afraid of this fearful thing
Who once before was among many
Kins and friends of my past story

So if you will it, Lord, come take me in
Restore, renew, remake me clean
For none more painful than be away
From those you love from distant day

Will it, Lord, please make me whole
Only in you is my heart's console
I dare not touch, but I dare to plea
Before these people's cold apathy

Not in disguise I have come to ask
With nakedness in light I bask
For me to see my own misery
And beg you, Lord, take away from me

If you will it only, Lord, I cry
I bow to ask salvation nigh
O, look with pity on this sorry man
Lift him up, please, if you just can

I will it, yes, you said to me
I will it so wholeheartedly
In faith you came, more faith you go
Tell none, so that no one may know

How love has come to take your pain
And stripped you off your pride and vain
To clothe you in new man's dignity
And be assured you are loved by me

***


This poem has been inspired by the Gospel episode where a leper asked Jesus to heal him, saying "If you will it, Lord..."

Let me fall in love with Love

Let me fall in love with Love
When all other loves have faded
Let me fall in love with Love
In eternity it has painted
Shining stars in my broken dreams
Winds of flight for my broken wings
Let me fall in love with Love
Falling and loving again

Hopes falling to pieces in passing joys and glory
That pop like bubbles in my own small story
Of unbelieving faith and shaky trust
That fell down as in a cloud of dust
Then I realized I have lived in vain
When I saw love survive the pain

In pride I thought I loved the best
But such love could not pass the test
Of falling down and loving again
In standing up and spreading wings
To soar the sky of limitlessness
The depth and height of loveliness

Let me fall in love with Love

Falling and loving again

Losing Memories

The provincial of the x-sems (the largest congregation in the world), Odie, asked me to upload the photos that I took last December vacation. Looking at the image files again reminded me that I lost half of the contents of 8 GB memory stick because of a freak accident. I don't know what happened, maybe it was God's will that half of what I took in two weeks, starting from December 19 and onwards were corrupted beyond repair.

I stormed, not the heavens, but the web for data recovery tools, and labored day and night to recover the files. Windows' chkdsk utility is the main culprit for turning my folders into 32KB empty and useless files. No matter what data scavenging was done, the pictures were all gone (I'm rhyming again).

With all the technology in our fingertips and in our hands, we really can't be so secure. True, digital photos help keep the memory alive but I think true memories reside in the heart (char!)

Now I remember and on a side note, that bringing the digital camera with you has its own downsides: you never get to be in the pictures! How often have I wished that I have clones to take my pictures.

Losing those data files may tantamount to losing memories, but not totally, only on the details. I just thank God for the memory that I have since birth which has kept all the back-up of those files.