Losing Memories

The provincial of the x-sems (the largest congregation in the world), Odie, asked me to upload the photos that I took last December vacation. Looking at the image files again reminded me that I lost half of the contents of 8 GB memory stick because of a freak accident. I don't know what happened, maybe it was God's will that half of what I took in two weeks, starting from December 19 and onwards were corrupted beyond repair.

I stormed, not the heavens, but the web for data recovery tools, and labored day and night to recover the files. Windows' chkdsk utility is the main culprit for turning my folders into 32KB empty and useless files. No matter what data scavenging was done, the pictures were all gone (I'm rhyming again).

With all the technology in our fingertips and in our hands, we really can't be so secure. True, digital photos help keep the memory alive but I think true memories reside in the heart (char!)

Now I remember and on a side note, that bringing the digital camera with you has its own downsides: you never get to be in the pictures! How often have I wished that I have clones to take my pictures.

Losing those data files may tantamount to losing memories, but not totally, only on the details. I just thank God for the memory that I have since birth which has kept all the back-up of those files.

2010

The new year 2011 is a few hours away. The neighborhood is still silent, as if a platoon of soldiers in their trenches waiting for the signal of war. In a few hours time, festivity will blow and blast off the sky to welcome the new year. It's more than a count of years and of numbers. For me, this is a celebration of life and opportunity.

2010. Passed like a train in my face. Fast, memorable, and strong. It is a year of changes for me. BIG changes. Fast, because it was just a year ago when as novices we were standing in the Don Bosco Retreat House's roof deck, under the rain, waiting for the fireworks to begin (and to end). Memorable, because so many things have happened. Strong, because this year changed me a lot, more than what I expected.

This is a year of change. This year I became a Salesian of Don Bosco. I donned the clerical habit and professed the evangelical counsels. This year, my personality was stretched and tested. It was a time of passing through the deepest valley of my life, where the light is scarce as dim pin lights on a dark expanse.

This is a year of growth. The changes and challenges that came my way were points of growth for me. I was invited, at times I was forced, to take on paradigm shifts, new attitude, and fresh outlook to expand, modify, and improve upon what I was before. And so they say that we continue growing until we are buried six feet under the ground.

This is a year of grace. There hasn't been a year that showed me the grace of God pouring like torrent on an obscure and unknown young man like me than the year 2010. Beautiful changes in my life flows from the immensity of graces that I have received. Leaping growth springs forth from the gushing grace of grace from His bounty.

2010. I will remember 2010. It was a painful year. It was transitory year. A year that resembles the pains of childbirth seizing a mother as new life is introduced into the world. It was a joyful year. A year that resembles the joy of the child at the moment he discovers he is in the world and the joy of the family that welcomes.

Perhaps 2011 is a year of integration for me, a year of donning a more mature Keith, a Keith that has grown and aged over fruitful years and more so in 2010. And I am grateful.

If To Love You Is Not To Love You

If to love you is not to love you
Is the only way to love you
How my love would fade away
So far, far away

If to love you is not to love you
Is the same as to hold my breath
As well as life itself
And die in silence

If to love you is not to love you
Is to give my heart away
No beat to keep me on
And I stop still

If to love you is not to love you
Is the hardest contradiction
For a man to ever face
And I fail