If Today Were The Last

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?

One very Salesian habit I have acquired is to anticipate the hour of my death. When everyone is lost living in the moment of pleasure blissfully placing aside the impending thought of mortality, death seems so far away it seems it doesn't exist in our paths. But we know that death has its own surprises. It comes and it goes. One day we just find ourselves missing someone, or we find someone missing us.

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


Indeed, if today were my last, how would I live it? I question how I have lived my twenty four years of life. Have I become a good person? Have I made many friends? Have I touched lives? How would people write my eulogy, or how would they write my biography?

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


In the face of death everything falls into place. What we think was important was nothing but vanity. What we took for granted is actually everything. People would matter more and loving would make more sense. As the clock ticks, time is running out. Each day is a day nearer to death. What really matters? Where should I place myself in?

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


When the time comes for me to see my lifeless body, I hope my only failures would be failures from my own immaturity and not failures that I willed to happen. I hope I would have less regrets or that I have made most of my things to do before I die. And I hope that I die smiling and in peace.

If today were the last of my days, how would I live it?


A simple question could change the way we think, act, and live. If today were the last, how would I spend it?

The In-between

There is a certain moment in our our growth, that subtle change, when we learn to stop wondering. Our sense of wonder fades as we enter into normalcy. Everything appears normal. Boringly normal.

It is good to stop a while and revisit my self. Just when did I learn to stop wondering about the world around me? When did I stop looking up the sky and look at the many shapes that the clouds form or ask what's beyond the stars? When did I stop to be amazed at how my feet firmly holds the earth and not float away into space? In the distant past, the world was full of wonders. It was full of magic. It was full of adventures.

I remember getting excited riding the jeep. Now, travel's become a bore and the sights that pass before my eyes remain but a passing blur. I remember the joy of being under the rain and drinking it. Now, the rain brings gloom and inconvenience. What happened in between?

The in-between, the mysterious in-between, tells me how easy it is to forget. It tells me how easily we grow up to become boring adults. It tells me how time can dull our sense of wonder simply because we begin to take things for granted. Now I wonder how'd I react if the sky were to disappear from the ceiling of earth, or that there'd be no rain under storm clouds.

I see it an invitation for me to always practice gratitude and to wonder again at the beauty and magic of the world. Seeing more than what we see can open our eyes to the treasure that had long sat in front of us.

Nakama

"All Relationships are about trust." It struck me strongly that I can't help but reflect on my own experience of relationships. The latest roller coaster ride with relationship I had gave me the strongest lessons I have learned so far. There can be no relationship without trust.


This made me reminisce the friends I had made through the years. Most of them were good and healthy friendships. Some are just casual that I could have nurtured more. A few were broken by immaturity then. These many friends, and their memory, had made me cope with life more easily because they shared the experience of life with me. This sharing is an exchange of trust. I am grateful that they had trusted me and they have kept my trust in return.


One of the popular manga around, Bleach, gave a very beautiful reflection on friendship. To the characters, a friend is a "nakama", someone who shares a deep bond. To them friendship is an exchange of hearts so that wherever you are your friends' hearts stays with you. 


I believe it is true. Friendship is a sharing not just of hearts but of persons and that makes it beautiful because you get to encounter another person, another beautiful being, and you share each other's being without losing your own individuality.


How I wish it were true for all my friends and all my relationships in general. I once said to a confrere, "When I die, I want to be remembered as a person who loved the best way he can." To all those whom I have hurt before, I am sorry, it is not who I wished to be. To all my friends now, I want you to know I am living for you too. Life is too beautiful to be wasted on negativities. It would be better to spend it on loving, learning, and living.