Complexity of being Complex

I am reading a book on mastering your emotions nowadays, actually there are two books I'm reading side by side, I am struck by the exposition that as babies our emotions flow naturally. We laugh when we are amused, we cry when we are hungry, and we cross our brows when something's fishy. I remember the many baby faces that I saw through the years, how each innocent face carries with it the unbridled expressions that I used to have.

Each one of us at some point can be a sad story. We tend to forget our childhood and our innocence. Take for example how we tend to hide our true feelings and sentiments all for the name of rationalization. Yet we are all emotional beings. We live with emotions and we die with emotions. Take a stroll outside and count the number of people who smile and frown against the number who keep poker faced. It's a more sad story when people are disconnected with their own feelings.

It is my personal belief and conviction that in each one of us is a child, the very same child that God brought forth on the day of our birth. Our physical bodies may age but the child within continues to live on despite the many layers of masks we place upon it. In my friendships, I try to connect with others as a child and I want to find the child in others. It's not child play or childishness but a search for the innocent and pure person that lies hidden within.

We all were born simple yet we grow up to become complex. How I wish the world could find once more the peace and joy of being young and innocent. Our fears could take the blame, how we hide our true selves to protect it, though I think it's digging your own grave, but wouldn't we be happier if we just act and move as we used to be when we were children? Deep inside adults miss the fun of being a child. So today, I resolve to smile more, live more, and love more.

Conversations

These days have been giving me opportunity to reflect and think about life. I have had many encounters with my fellow community members and I have enjoyed talking with them and learning from them. The posts I have made brought back a little conversation with our outgoing Bro. Assistant and Practical Trainee, Bro. Joji Inocentes, SDB.

I was humming some songs that really resonated from my own sentiments that afternoon as I watched our Toyota Revo speed its way up the Benguet slopes to Baguio City. Bro. Joji took notice and asked me if what I am singing is a theme song. The conversation went on and he asked a quite difficult question: "Why do we need others to compose theme songs for us?"

The question took me by surprise and I couldn't mutter an answer. Minutes went by and bang! I found the right answer.

Not all people are musically gifted and so not all can translate their emotions to songs and music. So it is natural that not many of us can compose songs in order to express our feelings. But our natural affinity to music allows us to relate with the music that other people have made. If it is not possible for us to create our own music, we instead resonate with the feelings and sentiments that other people put into theirs.

As I thought along this line, it made me realize another important thing. Even if everyone could compose their own songs so as to perfectly portray their own feelings and selves I guess these songs would resemble one another. This is because, I believe, we share the same spectrum of emotions. Even if each one composes his own song, they would all sound like anyway.

What I am arriving at here is the mystery of our own uniqueness and connectedness. We may  be different from each other but we all share the same nature. We could be singing at different tones but it all adds up to a grand harmony that powerfully displays the beauty and grandeur of our own humanity.

Real Men Hurt

I woke up with my body aching all over. It seems the football game that we had with the aspirants yesterday was more than my body could handle. I have been out of the field for two weeks. The Baguio trip that we had certainly was fattening. I moaned to my fellow Brother Sami, "My whole body aches." And he delivered the line that made me think the whole morning: "It means you're alive."

Pain most of the time is not welcome but it reminds me that I am still alive and kicking. The thought of pain sends shivers down my spine. I would be the first to run away at the thought of undergoing pain. The series of unfortunate events that silently happened to me during the past weeks did change my paradigm. It made me understand pain better. In order to grow one must embrace the pain that comes once in a while.

There are many forms of pain. The easiest of which is physical pain. The hardest to face is emotional pain. One thing I've learned is that the more you run away, the greater the pain will be. But with a courage that could only come from inside, you do a 180 and face the pain head-on, you'd be surprised to find that pain is just an invitation to live and experience life more fully.

Real men do hurt. It is only in our pain that we experience our humanity. We all are vulnerable (and this brings to mind one emo song I also like). In my pain I feel I am alive and from it I draw strength to move on, to forgive, and to love better than I have.