In But Not Part Of

I was playing football with the aspirants this afternoon when some approached to play with us. Two of the aspirants called me to the side to warn me that these people play rough. Their concerns were not without basis as many indeed would play rough in order to win. They told me however that it would be my call and they would just be obedient (as they always are to me).

I thought it over and decided that the aspirants play with them. I thought to let the ball roll.

I was quite amused at how many of our aspirants tried their best to defend in their positions. At the end of the game one of them admitted he didn't really want to play since those who invited themselves to the game usually wouldn't pass the ball and that they were too hot-headed to keep a friendly game. True enough, during the game some of the aspirants didn't push enough to make a decent goal.

I pointed out to them two things: one, that the world is never fair; and two, they must deal with it.

It is true that the world is never fair. No, not to anyone. No, never. To complain that opponents are too rough is not some reason to stop playing. It is a challenge to keep fighting on despite the un-fairness, keeping yourself fair to others. It brings to mind Jesus' challenge: you are in the world but not of the world. When these formands would become professed Salesians one day, they would realize that not even those you expect to be fair would be honest at all. How many times have our priests been duped by the very persons they trusted?

The danger of staying in a regulated environment is to begin to think that the world works the way it does inside the seminary walls. Outside the comfort of our boundaries, the world is vicious, competitive, and difficult. Our formands must wake up to the fact that that is the nature of the world, and that is the object of our mission - to purify the world that the Kingdom of God may reign.

Keeping calm in spite of the roughness of opponents is a tough thing to do. Yet it is the very witnessing that St Paul challenges us to: conquer evil with good. So I told my too-idealistic charge that it is the very challenge of playing as an aspirant before other people: to be tough in the game but kind and sportsmanly.

We cannot expect the world to work the way we want it to but we will always have the power to change it by our faithful witness.

Faith and Faithfulness: Hitting the Mark

As the Cardinals of the Catholic Church congregate in the Sistine Chapel for the election of the new Pope the world is abuzz with speculations on who the 266^th Pope will be. Media outlets from all over the world have their own lists of papabili who according to their own estimations have the greater chance of election due to their popularity or relevance.

Secular media is alien to the inner workings of the Church who in her work for salvation is fond of quiet reflection in contrast to the spectacle of speculation, intrigue, and sensation of the world. What most outsiders would consider is the name and fame of each cardinal-elector. The reflective mood however of the conclave points to the search of who among the electors has the capacity to keep the Church faithful to the teachings of Christ in our time.

In a world facing issues of life and life-choices, the Church has been branded as medieval. I think it is altogether missing the point. The Church is not medieval; it is consistent with her teachings throughout history. It is not outdated but continues to strive to be faithful to Christ her spouse. The magisterium, regardless of the personal and individual opinions of her members is bound to faithfulness through the grace of the Holy Spirit. The Church, then, needs a leader who would continue to be a vanguard for this faithfulness.

The landscape of the world may change over time, yet the same laws subsist forever, laws that are rooted in truth and reality and not in the fluid opinions of intellects that pass into oblivion and annals of history. The Church, through the Pope, reads the signs of the times and discerns the call of God through the changing world yet the call remains the same – the call to holiness. Be perfect as your heavenly Father in heaven is perfect. It is a call to fidelity.

As what Mother Teresa of Calcutta would put it, God calls us not to be successful but to be faithful. Faithfulness entails a seeming defeat, opposition, and persecution. In faithfulness, there is no promise of success for success is a mere illusion of the world and a not so worthy prize for steadfast faith. In faithfulness, there is only the promise of Presence.  I will be with you until the end of time.

The beauty of the Church and also of the papacy is not that she in herself is faithful, or that human nature by itself is faithful, for in fact all that is human is fallible. Her real dignity is that God promised to be faithful with her that not even the gates of hell would prevail against her. Only God is faithful and it is His faithfulness that brings sustenance to His people.

It is sad to hear of religious who complain and much worse, quit their paths because they feel unfulfilled or sad in their living out of the vows. The radicality of religious life is not exemplified in the success of the ministry. It is actually seen in the faithfulness of the religious in the vows he had made despite the trails, failures, and sadness in his or her following of Christ. Would Christ be pleased to hear a disciple quit because the work is unrewarding and unfulfilling? No, Jesus would rather have His disciples carry their cross and follow Him.

Pope-Emeritus Benedict XVI spoke that there is a crisis of faith in the world. The Church needs a Pope who will nourish and enliven once more the Faith in a world that is bereft of it. Not a faith blind to reason nor a faith that is bound to the senses but a Faith that is alive in the Spirit and fuelled by the impulse to love without recompense and steadfastly through times good and bad.

A Prayer Within

In the nothingness and brokenness inside me
In my fear of my own shadows I run back to You
For in You I find my freedom, my peace and my silence
And my heart rests like a leaf floating in a silent pond

In you I find the depths I find amusing
That never ceases to grow beyond and beyond
The excitement of such knowledge and wisdom I cannot keep up
Thrill is the ride inside You

We are locked in a dance, in a swirl of music
Yet the world is still as You hold my hands
And everything is a blur about us I care not
For my spirit is in Your hands in peace

Self-Esteem: The Delicate Balance Between Pride and Humility

I write this piece with the Filipino mentality as a backdrop, because the nuance of being a Filipino involves a pre-occupation with being modest and being proud.

In a world filled with narcissists who glorify themselves on Facebook with a barrage of a million self snapshots, selfies they call it, there is a big question on the over-all psychological health of an ordinary human living in this postmodern world. What is self-esteem and where is the healthy balance?

The question is of particular importance among Filipinos who find themselves living in a culture which glorifies humility and modesty and chastises pride and arrogance. So many times have children been taught by example by our culture to be modest with their accomplishments or ganged up by the crowd for being too full of self-praise.

I believe in the real value of humility and I recognize the treasure of a healthy self-esteem. Postmodernity has the tendency to bloat the self beyond all proportions with its ego-centric wave that too often we find young people who are too focused on themselves with a tad too strong a regard for their image. Yet, in our culture too can we find people who have either lost all respect for themselves or bathing in the light of false humility. Where can we find the balance?

The balance, in my opinion, rests on truth. Pride if taken in healthy doses is helpful in the formation of a positive self-image. Humility, on the other hand, is a virtue all too confused with having no pride at all. For in fact, humility and truth go together, and if truth offers you pride then it is the moment when both seemingly contradictory words go together to form a healthy self-image.

The recognition of one's strength and value and an honest admittance of one's limitations and failures helps in the formation of a sound uptake on the self. A truthful man is an honest man and in turn form for himself a positive and healthy self-esteem. Truth purifies self-glorification by reminding the ego of its incompleteness and insufficiency and it helps lift up the spirit with the hope and promise stored within each individual.

Our children and young people then must learn to see this balance. There can be no healthy self-esteem for any individual until the self prides and humbles itself with its truth.

The Wonder of Choice

Even now I am continually amazed at the complexity of being myself. The self is an almost infinite measure of possibilities bounded by sharp-cut and distinct limitations. I say these because I can experience a very wide range of emotions but will have to only choose one option among many on how to act as myself. Sure, I can act this way or that way, and I may have strong tendencies towards a particular behavior, but even the immense potency or the natural tendencies will have to give way to one simple choice.

Choice is what makes man. All of us are formed from a rich background, either good or bad, along with its multidimensional influence and mark on the self which has undergone the variables in life and lived through it, and in a way was formed through it. All of us are facing a future with its rich promises, either good or bad, which depends not only on one choice but along many others, directly or indirectly, each future dependent upon the many variables today, altogether drawing trying to draw the will. Past or future, rich as they are in possibilities long lost or have yet to come, must pass through one choice which we must make now.

I remember one philosopher, though I cannot remember his name, say that the striking paradox of human reality is that freedom is enslaved to choice. We all are bound to choose and the choices that we make define who we are. And who we are is not final until the final choice has been made and no choice can be made after. We are dynamic beings who continually remake ourselves with every choice whose final state is not defined by the final choice alone. Who we are at the end I believe, is defined by the sum of the choices that we have made all throughout our existence plus the value of all those choices seen together.

So in failure, I cannot just stop for when I have failed I can always bounce back at living again. And in success I cannot be contented for such pleasures are only for that moment and will fade through time. The power of choosing is perfected through an active, conscious, and positive exercise. We are not yet done, but we are beings.

Invisible Wounds

The boys that I work with in Don Bosco Boys Home are not the regular type of boys. Most of them come from dysfunctional families and even some have nothing to call a family. The experiences that I hear from them dwarf the little hassles that I went through growing up. Call it strange, I admire the courage the boys possess in facing life and struggling against the torrent of misfortunes.

You'd see them now smiling with eyes twinkling but behind these lie the still unsaid burdens that no one could hear unless one listens.

I gave one afternoon talk before them and advised them to be careful with their words. Wounds from verbal abuse run deep and all of them know it. The body could recover from a bruise but the heart could not, no, not even through time. All of us have our own share both in the receiving and giving ends of verbal warfare but how much time do we give ourselves in thinking twice before the next flurry of hurting words come out of our mouths?

I had to take aside one boy one afternoon. Apparently he was teased and bullied and he didn't know just how to express the anger building inside him. All he could do is run away from the situation and unload his frustrations unseen. I felt pity for him and I tried cheering him up with a glass of buko juice. But I also felt pity on those bullies who, unbeknownst to them, are just repeating the very things they had received from badmouthing and insult.

It's all a cycle of hurts that must simply stop. To react is to add to the momentum of the wheel of hate and everyone is run down by everyone's hate. It is pathetic, humanity killing itself by passing to the next person the hurts no one wants to receive.

Healing starts only by the truthful acceptance of the hurt. By this we become human.

But healing is completed by the selfless act of forgiveness and love. By this we become divine.