Calling Out

The night no matter how beautiful

Is as dark as its velvet shade

When my heart is calling out to you

And the distance of so many miles apart

Are like clouds that cover the moon and stars

And my heart is calling out to you

Dreams limitless though they are

Fall short of reaching you afar

And my heart is calling out to you

A gaping hole demands to be filled

In my soul whose tears have dried

For my heart is calling out to you

Such sadness blinds the sun's rise and set

And the heavens hide her ornaments

With it my heart is calling out to you

Painful agony, how sweet to wait

For something that comes not yet

Till then my heart is calling out to you

I call then from my depths, please hear

And come in haste, be near

My heart is calling out to you

Through Heaven's Eyes

Today, June 30, 2010, marks the inauguration of the 15^th President of the Republic of the Philippines, President Noynoy Aquino. This will mark new governance for us from a new administration. Today also, we commemorate the first martyrs of Rome whose blood became the seed of Christianity. Their martyrdom held promise and is now realized in our Faith today. Now what else happened on the past June 30’s before?

§  350 – Roman usurper Nepotianus, of the Constantinian dynasty, is defeated and killed by troops of the usurper Magnentius, in Rome).

§  1805 – The U.S. Congress organizes the Michigan Territory.

§  1905 – Albert Einstein publishes the article "On the Electrodynamics of Moving Bodies", in which he introduces special relativity.

§  1934 – The Night of the Long Knives, Adolf Hitler's violent purge of his political rivals in Germany, takes place.

§  1953 – The first Chevrolet Corvette rolls off the assembly line in Flint, Michigan.

§  1968 – Credo of the People of God by Pope Paul VI.

§  1971 – The crew of the Soviet Soyuz 11 spacecraft are killed when their air supply escapes through a faulty valve.

§  1997 – The United Kingdom transfers sovereignty over Hong Kong to the People's Republic of China.

And today, the following were born:

§  1974 – Fr. Anthony Wilbert Dianon

§  1975 – Ralf Schumacher, German F1 race car driver

§  1984 – Fantasia Barrino, American singer

§  1985 – Michael Phelps, American swimmer

In a more personal note, June 30 marks the following:

·         63^rd day since the First year Brothers’ First Profession

·         65^th day since the Second year Brother’s Renewal of Profession or  430^th day of their Profession as Salesians

·         But most importantly, this day marks the day when I gave my first sermonette in Canlubang.

Forgive me if I am fond of dates and history tonight. Fr. Nesty’s anniversary seems to have taken its toll on me. I believe however that it is common for us, I mean for everyone and not just the Religious, to be fond of dates and to find connections in the seemingly disparate dots of life, and see through the disparity to form a pattern that was previously hidden.

What appeared to be stars sprinkled across the night sky we have come to form and label constellations. In the same way, we look at our experiences, we look at days and nights, and we find connections, we find constellations, because it is our nature to find meaning in our life.

One of my favorite Bible-based animation movies is Prince of Egypt. Aside from the story on Moses which I have heard a thousand times already, and a beautifully arranged music that captures the magic of the Middle East, I am fond of the line that Jethro delivered for Moses: “Look at your life through heaven’s eyes.”

A single thread in a tapestry with its color brightly shine

You will never see its purpose in the pattern of the grand design

And the stone which sits on the very top of a mountain’s mighty face

Doesn’t think it’s more important from the stones that form the base

So how can you see what your life is worth or where your value lies

You can never see through the eyes of men

You must look at your life through heaven’s eyes

I have been privileged to meet senior Salesians like Fr. Felix Glowicki and Fr. Edgardo Espiritu, two of the many who lived their lives in the Salesian Congregation. At their deaths, I was asked to compile their data and videos for the eulogy. The striking thing is, both saw through their lives a beautiful pattern, which at their youth was yet unclear, slowly becoming clearer and clearer through the years, and manifesting its grand design at the sunset of life. Both were left awestruck and thankful at the turns and twists their life took.

Don Bosco had a similar experience of seeing through his whole life not just an ordinary story of a man who lived and die, but a story of faithfulness and grace. Only at the sunset of his life did he see the full realization of his dream at nine. He couldn’t be more thankful than by shedding tears that sprang forth from the depths of his heart as he was celebrating mass during the blessing of the Sacred Heart Basilica. It was a different set of tears from what he shed when in the dream at nine he could not understand anything of he saw. He was thankful for being chosen as the golden thread that ran through the tapestry of the Salesian Congregation.

We share a similar story with our founder and many of the holy Salesians who have gone ahead. We share a story of a life shared with a faithful God. We are young, and so are our formators, and at this point we may not be able to see through the cloud that covers mystery of our own lives, but we believe and we believe with certainty that through this course is a promising beautiful story that we live every day.

I for one still could not believe that I am already a Salesian, that I am now living in Canlubang away from Cebu, that I am now taking up the challenge of Philosophy, and that I am leading a radical life a far cry from what I originally planned as a child. However I believe that this is part of a wonderful plan for me. There is something around the bend, but that something is not the end, and that it is the journey that counts.

Brothers, Don Bosco lived his life through the background of the dream at nine. I am sure, too, that each one of us lives our lives with a background of a dream that Jesus and Mary had planted in each of us. It is our own sacred story that runs through the tapestry of daily life. What is this sacred story, a dream, that Jesus had shared with us and triggered us to join the Salesian Congregation?  The challenge for us is to incarnate that dream like Don Bosco did, to believe in that dream which triggered the blazing fire of Salesian zeal. How often do we revisit this dream of ours? We may not understand it yet but in due time the story will unfold, and like Don Bosco, we will be thankful we have been chosen to live this life. Until that time, we must see our lives through heaven’s eyes.

***

This sermonette was given on June 30, 2010 during the monthly commemoration of St. John Bosco before the Post Novitiate Community

Mary: Bearer of Forgiveness

A woman bought a parrot for a pet. All the parrot did was treat her bad. It insulted her and every time she tried to pick it up, it would peck at her arm. 

One day she got fed up with the parrot and as it was insulting her she picked it up, it continued with the insults.."you're ugly! I can't stand you!" and it pecked at her arm as she carried it. She opened the freezer door and threw him in and closed the door. From inside, the parrot was still going on for about 5 seconds and then it was suddenly quiet.

She thought, "Oh no, I killed it!" She open the door and the parrot just looked at her. She picked it up. Then the parrot said:

"I'm very sorry. I apologize for my bad behavior and promise you there will be no more of that. From now on, I will be a respectful, obedient parrot."
"Well OK" she said. "apology accepted". The parrot said "Thank you". Then he said, "Can I ask you something?" She said, "Yes, What?"
And the parrot looked at the freezer and asked, "What did the Chicken do?"

My dear confreres, this February night, let me speak to you of, as to catch the Love Wave and Vocation Wave during February, that which is the most powerful fruit of Love: Forgiveness. Being 24th of the month let me speak of the Virgin Mary, the bearer of Forgiveness.

What is forgiveness? Psychology defines it as the process of concluding resentment, indignation or anger as a result of a perceived offense, difference or mistake, and/or ceasing to demand punishment or restitution. Forgiveness may be considered simply in terms of the person who forgives including forgiving themselves, in terms of the person forgiven and/or in terms of the relationship between the forgiver and the person forgiven. In some contexts, forgiveness may be granted without any expectation of restorative justice, and without any response on the part of the offender (for example, one may forgive a person who is incommunicado or dead). In practical terms, it may be necessary for the offender to offer some form of acknowledgment, apology, and/or restitution, or even just ask for forgiveness, in order for the wronged person to believe himself able to forgive.

It is a curious thing when children were asked why forgiveness is important:

Ericke, 10: "Forgiveness is important because everyone makes mistake. If you didn't forgive them, you wouldn't have any friends.”

"Forgiveness solves the whole problem, and you don't get into a fight," concludes Carson, 6.

If you forgive, "you can keep friends and families," says Justin, 10. "You can be happy, not grumpy."

"Forgiveness is important because if you don't get forgiveness, you will be without love," says Karoline, 9.

We must forgive "so we can become like God," says Casey, 8.

One thing that I couldn’t forget in my stay in Lawaan was a talk given by Fr. Ronel Vilbar. In his input, he shared that we have one great need: it is not money, nor beauty, nor time, nor progress, nor technology. Our greatest need is forgiveness. We all need to be forgiven and that is how we have come to need a Savior. This Savior is born of Virgin and her name is Mary.

The Blessed Virgin has so many titles attached to her but I realized the title Bearer of Forgiveness was not on the list. I am quite sure because I googled it. She is not forgiveness herself, just as she is not the sun but the white dawn announcing the rising of the sun. She is the Bearer of Forgiveness because she bore Him who brought forgiveness of our sins.

Is she not the one disciple who would help a sinner to approach Christ? It is oftentimes through her intercession that graces from God have been obtained, starting from her intervention in Cana down to the miracles she had obtained for countless souls who have recourse to her, to the time of Don Bosco who attests to this fact (“Only in heaven shall we know how much the Virgin has done for us.”), until our present generation. Notice this too, that with her every appearance and manifestation, from Fatima to Lourdes, Guadalupe to Akita, she has always been offering counsel: God’s forgiveness and repentance of sins. As she carries the baby Jesus in her arms, she is offering the one Offering that could satisfy God’s Justice, the One Lamb for the Forgiveness of Sins.

I once read an article commenting on how Peter fared better than Judas when both denied their Master. Peter, after denying Jesus three times, tradition says, in his grief and horror of the deed bumped into Mary while escaping the crowd. It was Mary who comforted him and assured him. Judas, on the other hand, took things to himself and missed seeking the comforting arms of the Virgin and ended his life by his own doing. What if Judas had met Mary too, would he be able to redeem himself? Most likely for it is always in our Mother’s arms that we find Him who we deny so many times.

“Every neighbour of ours has his own little place in the heart of our Savior. And who will have no heart to love and bear the imperfections of one who is in such a holy place?” St. Francis of Sales asks. We have all been called to be forgiving by Christ just as we have been forgiven in Him. Our Blessed Mother exemplified this when she did not hold a grudge against the world for crucifying her only Son. The Forgiveness that she once carried has become a part of her. Don Bosco once wrote, “The revenge of a true Catholic is pardon and prayer for the offender,” (BM IV, 312). Sons of Don Bosco and sons of Mary, we are called to become bearers of forgiveness to one another. It is in fraternal correction and charity that Don Bosco asks us, “Pardon means to forget for all time,” (BM VI, 363).

With every sin comes along a true fear of punishment and fear of exacting justice. Yet a sweet smile from a mother, whose face is filled with tenderness and reassurance, keeps us at peace and invites us to lay clean our own consciences, and we learn to trust that with her prayers and support we will never be sent away. God never sends away a repentant sinner, and a Mother who has always accepted with open arms the people who betrayed her Son will not keep to herself the baby in her arms. Mary will always assure us of God’s love.

What is Forgiveness, then, for us Salesians? Forgiveness is the Person who so loved us, he called us from obscure ordinary into our Society for us to be loved by Him and for us to love Him in return. Forgiveness is the One Teacher who gave little Johnny a teacher without whom Wisdom is lost. Forgiveness is that little baby cradled in Mary’s arms, the Lamb who takes away the sins of the world.

Forgiveness is no longer a “what” but a “who”. It is Christ, who once is presented to the world in the Virgin’s arms, who once became alive in the person of Don Bosco, and who now wants to be alive in us. The Virgin who showed the world True Forgiveness, now sends us, in the Congregation she herself put up, to show young people that there is forgiveness for the world after all. We are bearers of God’s love and forgiveness to the young. We no longer are motivated by fear when we seek for reconciliation with God like the parrot in my little story, because we have our Blessed Mother by our side, she who once comforted Peter, will comfort us also and show us Forgiveness, and in turn we become forgiveness to one another and to everyone, especially the young.

Mary Help of Christians, pray for us.

***

This sermonette was given on February 24, 2011 during the monthly commemoration of Mary Help of Christians, before the Post Novitiate Community.

I am Human Becoming

Our Metaphysics class never fails to inspire me, thanks to our great mentor Fr. Michael La Guardia, SDB. This morning we just discussed the "person". What is a person, we ask. Not to suck you in the vortex of philosophy, a person is the perfection of a being, that existing being that has an intellectual nature. You and I are persons and each of us have his sacred dignity.

When I heard these things, my heart beat faster than I realize. It felt like good news to someone who was in the dark all these time. It was the best explanation for all the anger that I have ever felt these past months over something that refuses to be helped, that refuses to see.

We remain persons, with the powers of reason and freedom, and remains so even if these powers cease to function. Thus, a zygote, a fetus and a person in coma is still a human person. Think about the ethical repercussions of this statement! We share the same dignity despite the skin color, the shape of nose, the height, the weight, the talents and skills, because we are all persons based on the One Person, who made us in his image and likeness. As human persons, we are all equals.

With this, each one of us possess rights and with it duties. We have the right to be loved, and perhaps the duty to love. We have the right to be recognized, and the duty to recognize others. We have the right to laughter and joy, and an invitation to be contagious with it. No one is less deserving for the things that God has abundantly poured out.

Then, Fr. Mike posed this question: Am I only nature and nurture? Are we limited to our nature and to the environment we live in? No, we are not limited to it for there is another element: choice. We choose who we are, so we can actually transcend our nature and nurture. How many people have gone beyond their poverty, their environment, their limitations, and their handicap? That's why we have what we call self-transcendence. To say that "this is who I am and you must respect me for remaining so", is resoundingly false. You can choose to be better. I can choose.

We choose, and we never stop choosing between choices, day by day, moment by moment. We choose to wake up or not, not take showers or not, to eat or not, to go to school or not, so on and so forth. We are always in a process, a movement forward. This is the process of human becoming. We are not just humans, we should become more human with each choice that we make. Your birth tells you you are a human being but it is you who chooses to remain so and even better.

The pinnacle of our being persons is God himself. We move forward not just in any direction but, as C.S. Lewis puts it, further up and further in! We just don't remain in the limitations of humanity, we transcend our humanity and take upon ourself the divinity that Christ has shared with us with his victory on the cross. As Christians, and quite contrary to the natural, we are called to love and pray for our enemies; we are called not to seek revenge but to forgive. This is the supernatural call that each follower of Christ has: to become more and more like Christ himself - Love.

And so, I am human becoming. I am not content with my level of "I" now, I have to become a better me, and there is no better me than becoming more like Christ.

***

This brings me to my own personal experience of betrayal, of trust and friendship. I was angry because I was not treated with respect as a person. I was angry because forgiveness was tarnished. I got depressed because I can't accept that some things refuse to change (for the better). But with acceptance, an invitation to forgive more, and self-transcendence I am brought to inner freedom. He who has eyes, see. He who has ears, hear.


There are people who refuse to grow, to become human. And there are worse people who refuses to be helped. That in their fear of being taken in, they do not allow themselves to be taken out, that not even God can help them.

Biking across the Hills

It's Sunday once again and I was very excited to bike once more. Few days ago, Bro. Donnie and I agreed to go on a biking trip, dreaming of reaching Barangay Bunggo near Tagaytay where Bro. Ramil lives. After weeks of intense Philosophical studies, I say intense because the second years' fidgeting and uneasiness is brushing on me (and that's because of the great de Universa), exams and quizzes with our venerable teachers Fr. Michael La Guardia and Fr. Reggie Porlucas, I thought it best to take a break and ease my mind.

We left at around two in the afternoon and started to bike uphill the gentle slope of Tagaytay. I recently realized that Canlubang sits on the foot of the extinct and titanic bigger-of-the-Taal's volcano. The sweet and fresh Tagaytay perches on the rim of this huge volcano whose crater is the Taal Lake which in the center is the Volcano Island where you can find the smaller and more active volcano. So much for Geography 101, we pushed ahead and lovingly embraced the scorching sun, on our backs our supplies of fresh clean water from the dispenser, a pack of Rosquillos and four pieces of polvoron.

Having watched last night the movie "127 Hours", we made sure we told our respective communities where we were going and brought along a mobile phone, just in case. I brought along my camera to capture the wonderful experience of biking with the great Donnie Duchin Duya.

The route we took was not really challenging, since it is a gradual climb. Even so, it is still a climb and I had to struggle with the Post Novitiate bicycle whose gears are on the brink of breaking and whose transmission chain has a playful habit of jumping away from them. We had to stop several times to fix my bike while at the same time catch our breath and regain strength.

The rural view was quite wonderful. It was my first time to see a plantation of tomatoes, rows and rows of them blanketing the hills like a thick green carpet. Bro. Donnie remarked how abundantly the flowers grow in these sitio's. There was a point in the road where you have this fantastic view of Mt. Makiling, a panoramic view of Southern Luzon plains with the distant Manila skyline as background. On one stop, we observed a colony of Fire Ants, where my curiosity got the better of me and I tried to poke a hole into the pasted leaves they consider their nest. I wasn't able to see what's inside because the ants were quick to detect the intruder and scared him when he saw the soldier ants rushing out of the little hole.

We weren't able to reach our intended destination because time ran out for us. We were already in Barangay Laguerta, a few kilometers away from Bunggo. We surrendered to fate and sat down on a grassy area sheltered by a towering tree. We consumed our provisions, the polvoron and all, before making a U-turn and head home. I had to admit I suffered some cramps in my knees because of all the hard pedaling uphill. Other than this, there was nothing more wonderful than feeling the blast of air across your face as you and your bicycle glide down the slope towards home.

It was wonderful to bike again while chatting along the way. Thank God for the great Donnie Duchin Duya. Thank God for biking. Cheers!

Because They Knew Him Well

Living most of my life near Don Bosco made me realize one thing: the presence of the Amazona's of Don Bosco in Salesian settings. They're not an official group of the Salesian Family, in fact they are not a formal group, but they are more reserved than the VDB's and equally dedicated. I want to honor them because they have been one my inspirations in my vocation.

We jokingly call them Amazona because most of them are single, and not only single but also single-hearted, in serving Don Bosco! You find them working almost quietly (I say 'almost' because most of them are quite noisy, active, and youthful) in offices and classrooms.They may not be consecrated religious but they have chosen to dedicate their time, talent, and even treasure at the service of the Salesian mission da mihi animas, cetera tolle.

I call them "ate's" or elder sister and "kuya's" or elder brother, an address that falls short of the merit that is due them. They spend more hours working than the office hours, with passion and zeal that couldn't be understood outside the Salesian culture. Such dedication, I say, could only come from a real encounter with St. John Bosco. I believe only when you have been touched by the spirit of our Father and Friend can you learn to understand and become what he was for the young.

Most of them have met Don Bosco in the persons of Salesians and Salesian Sisters who have equally lived the Salesian charism and spirit and passed it on to them! Working for, with, and among young people, taxing though it may is a sweet burden of loving service. I remember one of them telling me that it no longer matters to them how much remuneration they receive monthly because the fact that they are sharing the mission of Don Bosco is enough consolation and joy already that money cannot buy.

As a Salesian, I see them as examples and inspiration. Woe to me if I am to go slack in my vocation, these admirable people will surely shame my laxity. I would have like to name them here but, reserved as they are (but in truth they will kill me if I mention them because I just called them "amazona's"), I respect their silent and joyful work. Viva Amazona's!

The Parable of the Lost Friendship

A very close friend asked me how I was and what had happened. Maybe I can sum up my experience in this parable.


***

There once was a bird who would like to build his nest up a towering tree. It was migratory season and the bird needed to build a nest to rest his aching wings. He had traveled a far distance looking for a home. He looked everywhere for some sturdy tree but could find none except one tall and lush bamboo.

"Can I build my nest atop your verdant hair?", he asked.

"With my pleasure, little bird," the swaying bamboo replied.

They both enjoyed each other's company as the wind and breeze played with them, the bird snug in his nest and the bamboo proud to have such a crown in his head, swayed and laughed. The bird has found his home.

Then night came. Both friends did not know that a storm was coming bringing with it thunder, lightning, and rain. It ravaged the land with its howling gales and throughout the darkness both friends were roughly swayed.

When morning came, the sun woke up to find both friends tattered on the ground. The bird awoke at the gentle touch of the sun and saw how the storm has blown the nest, it fell to the ground. Beside him was his friend, the bamboo, bent and crooked, sprawled flat on the earth.

"My friend, it is not good that we stay like this. Try to stand up and I will rebuild my nest in you. The sun is out and the breeze is dancing once more. We cannot miss such an occasion with a passing of night's storm," urged the bird.

"Sorry, little bird, I cannot at this moment stand up erect. I'm bent and crooked I have to find strength again," the bamboo could have said to the bird but he was too tired to say it. He simply said, "just wait there, I'll soon be standing again."

"Oh, sweet bamboo, I have no nest to find home in unless it is in you." So the bird waited.

Hours passed by but the bamboo would not stand up again. This had the bird worried and he was feeling the heat of the oncoming noon.

"Can you, oh please, stand up for me. Am I not your friend that you should let me dry up in the sun?" insisted the bird.

"Can you not wait? I already told you I cannot yet stand," reminded the bamboo.

The bird was rather hurt by such a blunt reply. So he took shade in a little shrub nearby.

Hours came more and the sun was fierce in his might. In the thin foliage of the shrub the little bird saw a flock of birds glide down to the bent bamboo.

"Can we perch here as we wait for the noon to pass?" they asked.

"Sure, sure, my friends," the bamboo replied. The little bird felt pain prick his little heart, he could not understand why.

The bamboo and his new flock danced and laughed, and he grew out several more shoots to accommodate them. He danced and played with them in the breeze, and they were happy indeed.

When the sun had left his mighty throne in the middle of the sky, the flock of birds proceeded to fly. The little bird then from the shrub where he hid, approached his bamboo friend and said, "can I now rebuild my nest in you?"

"You sure are a persistent bird. I asked for time for me to find my strength again that I may stand, but you wouldn't give it to me. You waited for hours and pecked on me. Clearly, you do not understand my situation here. Clearly, there are birds who cannot understand you even if you have sheltered them in your branches," the bamboo said.

"I'm sorry if I was not able to understand you. I was too afraid of the noon sun and I have nowhere else to build my nest," the little bird explained.

But the bamboo was proud, and still would not admit the bird to his verdant hair. The bird, he reasoned in his mind, must learn his lesson, he is after all the king of bamboos. He turned his back to the bird and remained in his pride.

The bird, after a few minutes wait, could not contain his tears. They fell like rain on the field.

"Bamboo, my friend, if only you know how much I desire to build my nest in you and to dance with you once more. But you won't bend for me standing stiff in your pride. I only wished that we dance as friends again the in the breeze. Perhaps I'm not a bird you value as a friend. I'm sorry for having hurt you, none of it was intended.Then, will I fly away and continue my journey. So long."

So in the pink rays of the setting sun, the bird flapped his wings and flew away, disappearing in the last drops of light.

***


And so my friends, this is my little story. Perhaps the bird was just too idealistic and was living in a dream of bliss. Perhaps he was too attached to the bamboo, but I hope the little bird will find other bamboos and trees in which he can build his nest again.

Love Over The Silence

In the midst of the silence I am there
Amidst the deafening silence that you bear
I move over the silence, in the quiet of your soul
Quietly moving, for me to make you whole

I am in every drop of tear that you cry
I am in the pain and sorrow of your sigh
And I break as your heart slowly breaks
Hearing every little prayer that it makes

You move in my thoughts, don't you know?
I loved you since before and even so
I'd die and die again for you to feel
You're never alone and that I'm real

There's no pain too great, I cannot heal
No problem too big we cannot deal
For you live in me and I in you
And in this silence my love rings true

***


I unearthed this poem from my journal. I remember I wrote it in one of the saddest days of my life, a little consolation from the Lord after a humble prayer of surrender.