2010

The new year 2011 is a few hours away. The neighborhood is still silent, as if a platoon of soldiers in their trenches waiting for the signal of war. In a few hours time, festivity will blow and blast off the sky to welcome the new year. It's more than a count of years and of numbers. For me, this is a celebration of life and opportunity.

2010. Passed like a train in my face. Fast, memorable, and strong. It is a year of changes for me. BIG changes. Fast, because it was just a year ago when as novices we were standing in the Don Bosco Retreat House's roof deck, under the rain, waiting for the fireworks to begin (and to end). Memorable, because so many things have happened. Strong, because this year changed me a lot, more than what I expected.

This is a year of change. This year I became a Salesian of Don Bosco. I donned the clerical habit and professed the evangelical counsels. This year, my personality was stretched and tested. It was a time of passing through the deepest valley of my life, where the light is scarce as dim pin lights on a dark expanse.

This is a year of growth. The changes and challenges that came my way were points of growth for me. I was invited, at times I was forced, to take on paradigm shifts, new attitude, and fresh outlook to expand, modify, and improve upon what I was before. And so they say that we continue growing until we are buried six feet under the ground.

This is a year of grace. There hasn't been a year that showed me the grace of God pouring like torrent on an obscure and unknown young man like me than the year 2010. Beautiful changes in my life flows from the immensity of graces that I have received. Leaping growth springs forth from the gushing grace of grace from His bounty.

2010. I will remember 2010. It was a painful year. It was transitory year. A year that resembles the pains of childbirth seizing a mother as new life is introduced into the world. It was a joyful year. A year that resembles the joy of the child at the moment he discovers he is in the world and the joy of the family that welcomes.

Perhaps 2011 is a year of integration for me, a year of donning a more mature Keith, a Keith that has grown and aged over fruitful years and more so in 2010. And I am grateful.

If To Love You Is Not To Love You

If to love you is not to love you
Is the only way to love you
How my love would fade away
So far, far away

If to love you is not to love you
Is the same as to hold my breath
As well as life itself
And die in silence

If to love you is not to love you
Is to give my heart away
No beat to keep me on
And I stop still

If to love you is not to love you
Is the hardest contradiction
For a man to ever face
And I fail

Sunny Christmas

I don't know if its the climate or it's just by coincidence but it's been a very sunny Christmas this year. I am typing away at beach-side house here in Argao, Cebu, where, to my happy surprise, is connected to the internet. Fr. Denden has invited Salesians and aspirants alike to this overnight vacation in this southern Cebu town.

With me are Frs. Denden and Randy, and Bros. Louie and Francis. With us Salesians are aspirants Melo, Jade, God (yes, that's his name), Mark, Davon, and pre-novice James. The younger aspirants are now enjoying their dip in the pool while I hide in the shelter of the house, sitting in the balcony with a view of the sea, the beautiful landscape of Dalaguete, and of the pool. Beside me is Fr. Randy reading his Bo Sanchez book and preparing his homily for his next mass.

Christmas has been bright and sunny, inside and out. It doesn't feel like white but filled with light (and that's a rhyme!)

Cozy Shell

Some people might notice, but I'm shying away from the cyberworld these days. This post actually breaks that silence. I felt that I somehow needed to go back to my cozy shell, to my comfort zone, during this vacation. The effects have been wonderful. Silencing did bring me back to my senses. Think of entering safe mode in a Windows session.

The past months have been quite a ride for me. I wanted to integrate all my experiences, especially of becoming a Salesian. Seven months and counting, I'm still feeling my way through becoming a religious, a holy religious.

Driving with my great and loyal friend, Celso, through the streets of Pasil, I shared how I used to run and play in these streets just like the little boys who owns the street giving the drivers a hard time navigating the Pasil labyrinth. Not a long time ago, I was enjoying the same paradise with these kids, yet a turnabout slowly happened in my life without me noticing it, and I find myself among religious men sharing the spirit of Don Bosco.

From Pasil streets to the convent, I marvel at such grace by which God has picked me up from among the ordinary to become a sign of His love. From a family of three to the Salesian Family, and to the embrace of the many young people I have encountered, I have never felt so much love like this.

I needed to take it in and appreciate this road I am taking. I needed to reconcile the young boy from Pasil to the young man who took his religious vows seven months ago. I cannot help but be thankful.

At the Terminal

It has been days since my last blog. I'm actually sitting by the laptop area of the NAIA Domestic Terminal, making the most of my P200.00 terminal fee using the free public wifi. I have mixed feelings leaving Canlubang for Cebu for my Christmas Vacation.

Some of my confreres have been asking me if I am getting excited over my two week vacation. I have been for days thinking about vacation. The second I exited our classroom after handing over my Metaphysics prelim exam paper I entered vacation mode.

Yet sitting here in the terminal made me think again. There's a part of me that wants to stay too. Perhaps I have become attached to Canlubang too just like the rest of the Salesians before me who grew up there. But still I want to go home to Cebu because I am excited to sleep at home again.

The NAIA Domestic Terminal has its own carpet-covered prayer room. Interestingly, the room is plain empty. There are three signs on the wall. One of which is "Sleeping is not allowed in this room." We had to pray our lauds but we chose not to use the prayer room, first because there are no chairs to use, and secondly, it's for public viewing with clear glass panes for walls.

Travelers are starting to flock the hall as they sit among the lined blue and green metal chairs while waiting for their boarding signal. Some are sitting idly. I surmise they are doing their own meditation. Others are chatting away with the person next or on the phone. Some of them are watching the television which by the way is airing a Sunday mass. I was tempted to remind them that watching the TV is not enough to fulfill your Sunday obligation.

But now I have to go. Brothers JP and Vince are getting hungry. We left the post novitiate early taking only a hot cup of chocolate. My stomach's grumbling and the food display is quite inviting.

Wash Away

Many people know that I am Grobanian by my musical heart. It's not only the voice but also the type of music and lyrics that moves me. One of the songs I love best from Josh is the song "Remember When It Rained". The passionate lover in me just resonates with the message of the song.

Everyone knows how refreshing a shower is, especially when under the rain. Everyone also knows how refreshing forgiveness is, more than any physical shower we can have. Each  moment of forgiveness brings with it a fresh ray of hope, a promise of a better tomorrow, and the balm of healing and love. There couldn't be any better medicine for pain than forgiveness in love.

We are all called to forgive and to love again. Forgiveness is giving that second chance once again with a resolution to make it better this time, in a way that mirrors how each of us has been given our second chances after we have stood up from a fall. But sadly, some people don't know how to forgive. If only they know the power of forgiveness, they wouldn't hold on to the heavy chains of grudge and hatred, or to the binding strings of fear and regret.

Real forgiveness, as per my experience, always brings a renewal of a relationship and commitment. There is a second fresh encounter of persons. In the same way that God promised to wash away the sins of Israel, forgiveness washes away the stains that kept us apart. Our greatest need is forgiveness.

Falling Rain

Listen to the rain as they fall
Sound like tears in the wind
They all fade

Freezing and burning, passing by
The cold touch of soft breeze
I am lost

In the silence of falling rain
In the mist of longing
We shiver

The earth cowers with every splash
Each drop break and pierce through
His stone heart

Soaked, despondent he turns away
Hide from the falling rain
Rest and sleep

Missing My Friends

Just this morning, Bro. Marc Will handed me a book on St. Francis of Sales with a bookmark on a chapter on friendship. I was so inspired with what I read that I fell into a trance of remembering my friends since I started to walk this earth. The sloppiness that I've felt this morning was blown away by the vigor brought about by thinking of friends.

Looking out our study hall window and gazing upon the green lush of tree leaves swaying outside, I can see the open Laguna sky. I know I am quite distant from the place where I grew up, yet right now I am aware that I belong. Friendship binds us in unity. I cannot imagine how I would have grown, and I believe I would be much different from who I am now, if I have not met my friends.

Thanks to the powers of technology, I still was able to visit some friends in Facebook. I am amused at their goings on in life. Without being physically there, I share their sorrow and joy. I travel with them as I browse through their pictures. I read their minds as I read through and in-between their poetry and prose lines. May we be able to fully utilize the interconnectedness of the world by wire and wireless communications in order to truly make the world smaller and closer through the interconnectedness of persons and friends.